The Imperfect Community

arabella5c · Posted: Thu May 04, 2006 6:38 am Post subject: Support for New Stay at Home Moms

Hi all, I've been a stay at home mom for about a year now . . . I thought it was going to be great! I was looking forward to quitting my job and staying home . . . one year later, I'm getting crazy bored!!!

There is only so much time I can devote to playing with baby meanwhile, trying to accomplish anything around the house. Did/does anyone else have any experience with this too?? Does it get any easier? I'm thinking maybe it will be easier after we have one or a couple more kids so they can entertain each other. Right now my son wants me to play with him constantly and I can only do it for so long before I just start to miss my job.

Petulant Pixie · Posted: Thu May 04, 2006 7:51 am Post subject:

Well, my experience is a little different. I worked full time until my second child (Katie) was born. At that point, my first (Alex) was 4, so I had to learn with weaning him off of the constant stimulation that was day care AND take care of an infant. Then right when Katie was going to start kindergarten, I got pg with Liz (she's 1 now). So, I have too just finished my first year alone all day long with an infant. And, the pacing is verrrry different from being alone all day with a 4 y.o and a baby! But, since I've been down that road, I knew to just appreciate the slowness of these days (plus things really get hectic at 4 when the older kids get home).

You do NOT need to be playing with/entertaining the baby all day. I think that's a first child fallacy. Really, one of the most important things you can do for you child is to let him learn to entertain himself. At this age, their attention span is really short, so if he can play by himself for just a few minutes at a time, you're doing great. See, right now, I'm on the computer and Liz is crawling around playing with toys. She's 1, so if I get 10 minutes of this, it's great! Then she'll have enough of it and she and I will move on to something else and I'll play WITH her for a while, then move onto something where she'll have to entertain herself for a while (like while I'm putting dishes away, or putting laundry in the washer or fixing lunch or something). We do like that all day--time for her to play by herself, then time with us together, and so on.

And...it's important that during the times the baby plays by himself you don't just do chores. Really, you CAN read a book (maybe not The Sound and the Fury, lol, but something light where you don't have to get too engrossed) or be on the computer or exercise (actually I consider exercise time to be party ME time and partly US time, since she "helps" me blackeye

Making sure you get some time for things YOU like during the day helps keep you sane and also helps fight off any resentment for your choice to stay home.

It's a good idea, too, to get time just for YOU during the week. Mike takes all three kids to karate twice a week (although schedule is chaning this month, so we'll have to make other arrangements for me-time), and I get to be home all by myself. I read, or listen to MY music or whatever. It's really only two hours a week, but it is wonderful.

And...things will pick up. It will get busier. The toddler and pre-school years are pretty hectic. You know the development doesn't go in a nice steady ramp, it's more like a staircase and one of these days your son is going to take a big leap and you'll be busier than you can believe. It goes by so fast, too. I love being home because I know this is the ONLY time that life will be this way. This is the only time Liz will be this small, and this first year has gone by so fast. I had a small taste of "freedom" when Katie was going off to kindergarten, and it was sooooo good, but see, this way I get to have my cake and eat it, too. I get to have this time with my baby and know that something really great and fun is around the corner (4 years away!) when she goes off to school. But, that's just me, I know being home drives some women crazy and that's not healthy for them either.

Jessica · Posted: Thu May 04, 2006 7:52 am Post subject:

Arabella, I know what you mean. I got very depressed at the beginning. It took me so long to be comfortable being a mother to my kids. I was so used to dealing with adults only, and going out etc. I'll always remember one day when Holden was 18 months or so and he wanted me to play blocks with him for hours on end and I almost broke down and lost because I could not think of anything any more fucking boring in the entire world that putting blocks on top of each other. I felt as if I was locked in an institution or something.

Anyway, 7 years later and another child later, I don't feel that way anymore. I mean, I still feel the demands of, "Mom! Mom! Mom!", but I don't feel so isolated. For one, I have a part time job (retail) oustide the home, that helps a lot and I am engrossed in my hobbies (which happens to be this site!), chatting with other moms online and just the business of school, schedules and errands. Believe me, as your little guy gets older, you won't have time to think about how bored you are, and having more children certainly does make things more interesting!

Good luck!

MedeaNJ · Posted: Thu May 04, 2006 12:17 pm Post subject:

Though I work full-time, I am homebound with my twins for the entire weekend.

How old is your child? I find nowadays that the kids want to do what mommy/daddy is doing, especially chores.

For example, when I fold laundry, I bring it into the playroom. Yes, the kids strew it all over the place and I have to put the folded laundry out of reach but they love to watch. I also have a small broom and dustpan that they use to sweep the floor (actually it is more or less pushing the broom), I have a water spray bottle and a sponge so they can squirt and wash the floor, table, counter, the cat...ok maybe not the cat.

Food prep can be especially fun. Have your child mix something in a bowl. Are you making a salad? Give a bunch of salad green and let your child shred it.

If your child is particularly clingy, plop him/her in a backpack carrier and continue doing what you need to do (my DD did not want to be on the floor so this was great).

Finally like PP said, make sure you get some ME time! Believe me a couple of hours a week makes a real difference.

DietCokeHead · Queen of Imperfection Joined: 29 Apr 2002 Posts: 3805

Hi! This is my first year staying home too and I am going mental. I think my problem is that I want to play with my older two kids and do things with them but that's hard when the baby needs me and is also starting to get mobile and into everything!

Anyway, I wouldnt stress about it too much. When I just had my first one, I was off work for the summer after he was born. I just took care of my daily stuff (around his naptimes) and also went out with friends who had babies too.

becky2005 · Posted: Sat May 06, 2006 4:42 pm Post subject:

I found a GREAT "play" group in my area with moms who I adore. We call it a playgroup, but our kids are 10 - 16 months old so it's more about the moms right now. I think I would have drowned in self-pity if I didn't know other moms who were going through what I was going through and could sympathize with me.

As far as getting things done...I just really lowered my standards. I try make sure the bathrooms are cleaned and laundry gets done at least once a week. DH vacuums on Saturdays and I just pretty much ignore the dust bunnies unless my MIL is coming over.