The Imperfect Community

Petulant Pixie · Posted: Wed Mar 08, 2006 10:31 am Post subject: Losing my religion

Well, since Jessica was so bold as to admit to chaning political parties, I feel like I can 'fess up to the fact that I'm kinda doubting my religious affiliation.

I still believe in God. I still believe in the whole Jesus thing. But, it seems that whole faith base is like in my left hand and the world I live in and the life around me is in my right hand and there's a big gap between the two. I've never felt terribly comfortable in the big CATHOLIC church, but have found comfort in our little catholic parish, until recently. I was fine with it all when I was healthy and giving, giving, giving. But, now that I kind of need to back out of things (since the sickly pregnancy and now being tri-herniated and caring for an infant), it feels like I've been pushed out. So much for brotherly love! I dunno. I've backed out, taking a break and just doing the personal religion thing for now. It's very disappointing, really.

Jessica · Posted: Wed Mar 08, 2006 11:10 am Post subject: Losing my religion

Church is too much of a commitment for me, that's why I choose to have a private relationship with God. I've always thought chuch was about a community and either you commit yourself to it, or you don't.

I don't think you're necessarily have a faith crisis, but an organized religion crisis, which I'm not terribly fond of either. Perhaps just take a break and see how it goes. Don't let people make you feel guilty about it either. God doesn't care if you belong to a church or not. It's how your acceptance of God that matters.

It's difficult because people expect so much of you and after you've given all that you've got, sometimes it still isn't enough in their eyes. Oh, well. Their loss!

Jessica · Posted: Wed Mar 08, 2006 11:25 am Post subject: Losing my religion

Oh, and if my last post didn't make any sense it's because I'm really sick and I wore slippers to my sons school today.

I am so out of it!

Petulant Pixie · Posted: Wed Mar 08, 2006 11:29 am Post subject: Losing my religion

I think you're right, Jess.

I really did like this parish because the emphasis was on caring for the needy and all that, which really appeals to the social servant in me. So, for years (3, actually), Mike and I have been VERY involved in the volunteer aspect of the church. We've contributed financially what we could. But, then during my pregnancy, we really had a hard time fulfilling our commitments. We did fulfill them, but it was really hard--emotionally for both of us, and physically for me. Then after having Liz, it's like they expect us to just bounce back into things, and I'm sorry, but just having a baby excuses you from service, I think. But, then on top of it, I still have physical issues. Now, I'm treated like a slacker though, since I'm not busting my ass there anymore, and I feel like these people are just hypocrites then. Like they're not really doing it for other people's benefit, but for some sick need to be needed or something, and then I feel icky just being involved in that, you know?

I'm sure I mentioned Jean who brought her baby to mother's group (Martyr's Group) two days after he was born in December. The place is full of people like that.

Then we get this thing in the mail from the pastor about what it means to be a parishoner and it says stuff about the expectation to give time, talent and treasure, and if you're not doing all three you should be doing at least one or two. And, I just feel like I need a time-out from the service. Furthermore, when I was soooooo sick and depressed during my pregnancy, did anyone help? Did anyone offer to help? No, they just wanted to be sure I would be there to do whatever I had signed up to do. Now that I have the hernias and have had to postpone the surgery twice because I just cannot physically manage the recovery--any help offered? Uh, no. It's just more tsk-tsking because I'm not doing this or that.

Now it's Lent. And we're supposed to be reflective and engaging in self-deprivation. No meat on Fridays. Fasting on Ash Wednesday and Good Friday. More masses, more pennance. Yet, I read today that there was another big uncovering of priests abusing children. Hmmmmm, no meat on Fridays, but they can fuck children?

And, it's not just the catholics. I mean there are people like Pat Robertson. And, it's not just the christians. I don't know. I'm just having a hard time reconciling a good God with all the shit that people do in the name of religion. I know this is old. I know it's not a new concept. It's just me now, and I guess this is how I'll do Lent, trying to figure it out.

momtofour · Posted: Wed Mar 08, 2006 11:35 am Post subject: Losing my religion

There's a lot I don't understand about your situation, but I'm trying.

You say you feel pushed out - were you in a group and had to bow out of committments? If so, the other people in the group may feel resentful that they have to bear the burden. I'm not saying it's right for them to be mean to you (if that's the case) but trying to help you understand their point of view.

If I've got this all wrong, maybe you can explain it to me. I'm Catholic too, but have not committed myself to anything more than CCD.

momtofour · Posted: Wed Mar 08, 2006 11:37 am Post subject: Losing my religion

ignore my previous message - we cross posted.

momtofour · Posted: Wed Mar 08, 2006 11:44 am Post subject: Losing my religion

Scout · Posted: Wed Mar 08, 2006 12:08 pm Post subject: Losing my religion

That is a tough situation. On one hand, I started hating church before and separately from the end of my faith, so I can definitely see that side of it. But on the other hand, I do know people who are part of a really awesome, supportive, loving church community, and I can see how that could be really cool. But IME, those groups are really focused on the church family, not outside issues, KWIM? Like, they are awesome about bringing you food, cleaning your house, watching your kids, etc. if you're sick or have a baby. They don't really do a lot for the greater community. So it's a trade off I guess. I think if I believed in God I'd be a Quaker. I like how they have the whole experiential thing between you and God going on, plus the inner community and the greater community/social justice thing.

I go back and forth in how I feel about the general concept of being part of any kind of community. I can see how it would be really cool in some ways. But I'm also lazy, and I don't like feeling committed to do specific things. Like, I'd be great about bringing food to someone or whatever, but I don't like watching other people's kids unless they are old enough to really play with my kids. I think I'm still feeling babysitter burnout from my teen years, lol.

Anyway, PP, I'm sorry that your church community has not been there for you when you've needed them. That's not right. Maybe you need to find a differentc church?

DietCokeHead · Queen of Imperfection Joined: 29 Apr 2002 Posts: 3805

I don't have advice but I can relate. I have been disenchanted with being Catholic for a while now. We still haven't found a church that makes me feel comfortable in our town and we've been here 5 years. Confused

That's shitty that you didnt get any support or help from your church when you needed it.

Petulant Pixie · Posted: Wed Mar 08, 2006 1:02 pm Post subject: Losing my religion

MedeaNJ · Posted: Wed Mar 08, 2006 1:23 pm Post subject: Losing my religion

I know the feeling. I am about 2 steps away from seriously becoming a Quaker. I like the thought of close community in which there is silent worship and meditation. Or if I so choose I personal relationship with God/The Divine Spirit in my own private way.

I was once very active in the episcopal church, but it always had their little cliques and despite my many talents, was constantly overlooked and in my opinion largely ignored. I like the rituals, but not on a weekly basis. The overall politics in general (especially over the Gene Robinson fiasco) has left a bad taste in my mouth. They are quite good in helping the less fortunate locally, but does take courage in expanding their efforts in helping social causes on global scale. By social causes I mean help the weak, the poor, destitute, justice, w/o evangelizing one's faith.

I am at the point in my life that if I do my best and live Christ-like (do unto others as they do unto you, judge not lest you be judged, etc), and do one's best to take care of our planet.

I cannot in good consious believe that our Judeo-Christian God is the only god out there (the human race as we know it has been around for at least 100K years), and that christianity is the only religion that must be dictacted (or Islam for that matter, or even Judism), lest you go to hell. I firmly believe that the many gods worshipped world-wide are in the end the same one; So who is to say that one's religion is the ONLY or RIGHT religion?

momtofour · Posted: Wed Mar 08, 2006 1:28 pm Post subject: Losing my religion

Careful, Lisa, you're sounding awfully Unitarian.

And I mean that in the best possible way.

Jessica · Posted: Wed Mar 08, 2006 1:37 pm Post subject: Re: Losing my religion

MedeaNJ · Posted: Wed Mar 08, 2006 1:45 pm Post subject: Re: Losing my religion

momtofour · Posted: Wed Mar 08, 2006 1:47 pm Post subject: Losing my religion

I'm not familiar with Bahai, thank you for that link. After reading it, I can't help but compare it to the Left Behind series - where the villain starts his own church called the One World religion. Think LaHaye and Jenkins were referring to the Bahai?