The Imperfect Community

Petulant Pixie · Posted: Thu Jun 02, 2005 6:03 pm Post subject: Breastfeeding advocacy?

OK, for the ffeeders on the board, how much bfeeding advocacy do you take part in--if any?

On Liz's birth board, moms are dropping out of the bfeeding pool like crazy. But, each time, before they quit, they post a big long thing about how they feel guilty about quitting and how it's so hard to decide and so on. I know how they feel--well, I never got to the point of actually bfeeding before quitting, but I still know the emotions involved in finally deciding to throw in the towel.

Now, of course, they are bombarded with advice to keep trying, it will get better, seek assistance from a professional and all the sorts of encouragement you'd expect. I chime in suggesting they give it a week more and then reassess and if they can, give it a week more after that, and so on. But, then it occurred to me how fucking hypocritical that is coming from someone who couldn't make it through the first DAY this time around. Yeah, OK, I pumped for a while and kept trying to get her latched on (and I actually did a few times, but it didn't feel right--I don't think she's supposed to be kicking madly, swinging her arms around and grunting while she's latched on for 2-3 minutes, then let go and scream while I chase her mouth with my nipple again, so I really did give up).

But, the truth is, my telling them to give it a week is just lip service from me, and can't they see that? I mean, if formula is good enough for my three kids why would I honestly think that their kids should have breastmilk (barring any unusual circumstances)?

So, do you think it's better to do the PC thing and give lip service to breastfeeding advocacy, even though it's totally transparent, or is it better to just be honest and tell them to quit if they want to. That really, at this early stage, bottle feeding IS a hell of a lot easier than what I hear bfeeding moms going through, and that really since I believe MY ffed kids are fine, I believe their's will be too?

What do you guys do?

DietCokeHead · Queen of Imperfection Joined: 29 Apr 2002 Posts: 3805

When I talk to friends IRL who are having trouble b-feeding I just tell them that whatever they choose to do (quit or try and work thru the issues), their babies will be fine and in the end they need to do what is best for everyone involved. I wouldnt bother giving lipe service to breastfeeding since I havent done it and don't plan on doing it either!

MedeaNJ · Posted: Fri Jun 03, 2005 9:49 am Post subject: Breastfeeding advocacy?

I am a breastfeeding advocate but was only able to feed my twins for 3 months before tossing the towel. I couldn't keep up with the food intake of 160 grams of protein a day plus the copious amount of fluid. I started getting physically sick of eating. I still have have a problem when I have a large dish of food in front of me. If I had a singleton, I would have tried everything to keep going.

That said, I would still suggest having the person try a lactation consultant (I thought I could do it myself and never consulted one...biggest mistake of my life) and try for a week or two longer, even renting a pump until their breastmilk dries out.

In the end, if a mother gave it her best shot, even the first couple of days, they still gave their baby a good start.

In short, I would encourage to keep trying, but I will not be beat-up, or give guilt trips on a mom who had to stop. I would be a hypocrite if I did.

Jessica · Posted: Fri Jun 03, 2005 11:28 am Post subject: Breastfeeding advocacy?

I used to be very PC about it, but now I'm just kinda apathetic about the whole thing *because* I feel like I made an excellent choice for my family. I just don't feel comfortable advocating something that goes against what worked for me.

That's not to say that I discourage bfing and I would offer suggestions, or rather suggest a resource for someone that asked me, but I'm very upfront and outspoken about my support of ffing for those moms that don't wish to bf. I'm over the whole PC thing, because I don't own it and it doesn't make sense for me to be or act like someone or something I'm not. Does that make sense?

Petulant Pixie · Posted: Sat Jun 04, 2005 9:47 am Post subject: Breastfeeding advocacy?

Yeah, Jess, that's pretty much how I feel about it, too.

These moms, they seem to have reached almost the end of thier ropes, they're tired and frustrated and it seems to me anyway that they're looking for permission to quit bfeeding. Now, you and I know that the only permission that matters is the permission you give yourself, but still, I think that just hearing overwhelming persuasion to keep going will make any guilt magnified.

But, who knows, maybe my telling them it's all right to quit is what they need to hear to keep going, lol, who wants to be like me???

Sewingsiren · Posted: Sat Jun 04, 2005 2:14 pm Post subject: Re: Breastfeeding advocacy?

Jessica · Posted: Sat Jun 04, 2005 7:53 pm Post subject: Re: Breastfeeding advocacy?

Sewingsiren · Posted: Sun Jun 05, 2005 9:07 am Post subject: Re: Breastfeeding advocacy?

Sewingsiren · Posted: Sun Jun 05, 2005 9:39 am Post subject: Re: Breastfeeding advocacy?

ThreeWashburns · Posted: Thu Jun 16, 2005 7:35 am Post subject: Breastfeeding advocacy?

Hey PP! Well i haven't posted anything about my delivery yet but my little girl arrived early Sunday morning May 29th, 2005.
Well she took to bfeeding really well- I was so shocked. But I still only lasted a week with it. It was so time consuming and my hubby was just no help with things- house, food, our 4 1/2 year old son etc. So after a really rough night I threw in the towel. I did feel guilty about it and my hubby was a little disappointed but I've been less stressed once I accepted the decision. So , YES I think women who want to give it up are looking for someone to say it's Ok if you don't want to bfeed. It isn't for everyone or every situation. Thank goodness for formula to give us options.

tigg&teagansmom · Slightly Flawed Joined: 23 Jun 2005 Posts: 7

I'm not an advocate of anything except for healthy babies, healthy mommies, and doing the best we can. I tend to get upset sometimes with a society who feels the need to make any mom feel guilty for how she feeds her baby, no matter her choice. There is enough to deal with without worrying about what someone else thinks or says.

I think if you choose to bf, whether it comes easy or you have to jump through 600 hoops, if it is important to you and you want to do it, great.

I think if you wanted to bf, but for some reason it didn't work out, that's not great because you may feel bad, but I think it is certainly fine. My take on it is "you tried to do what you wanted". There is nothing to feel bad about.

I think if you decided beforehand to bf for X amount of time, then switch to formula, that is great too.

And, I also think if you are a person like me that knew from the very beginning that bf wasn't for you and you are completely comfortable with ff, that is ok too.

I see no reason for guilt or pressure from anyone over any decision you make regarding your children. I will support a mom who bf to the best of my ability (which may not be much because I don't know much about the dynamics and difficulties involved), but I will give her what I can. I support everyone else too. I don't, however, pay "lip service", as in trying to encourage someone to do what I wouldn't do. Support, Yes. Encourage or press, No. On the flip side, I don't encourage ff either. I think it is all a matter of choice or circumstances and it is all OK. Very Happy

And though this is running long, I will also say that I am irritated by the moms who feel if you don't do everything short of sacrificing to the pagan gods in order to bf your child, then you are in effect, killing them. That attitude drives me nuts and I don't see it as support. JMO

Jessica · Posted: Mon Jun 27, 2005 8:42 pm Post subject: Re: Breastfeeding advocacy?

becky2005 · Posted: Thu Jul 28, 2005 5:43 am Post subject: Breastfeeding advocacy?

I am so glad I found this thread Very Happy

I had a really difficult time breastfeeding my new little guy--I only could get him to latch on and actually eat anything a few times! So I started bottle-feeding and had been feeling really conflicted about it, mostly because it just seems like everyone these days is breastfeeding and EVERYone likes to ask if you are bf'ing and it seems like they disapprove when you say you aren't. I'm always very put off by strangers asking questions like this about me!

It's so nice to find other moms who are chosing to ff and refuse to feel guilty about it. Once I let go of all those feelings and started putting my focus on taking care of my baby in the way that works best for me, him and my DH, I've had a much nicer time with my baby Very Happy

Feedings are actually fun bonding time b/c neither one of us is crying and frustrated.
Anyway, I wish I had found this thread a few weeks ago...I think it would have helped me get over it a lot sooner.

Petulant Pixie · Posted: Thu Jul 28, 2005 7:30 am Post subject: Breastfeeding advocacy?

Yeah, Becky, I know how you feel. My Liz is now 3 months old and I can honestly say that I am feeling good about my feeding choice now. She's at the top of the chart for height (as long as the average 5 month old) and she's a very healthy weight, so she's obviously THRIVING on the formula. And, I'm hearing about the rollercoaster that is breastfeeding from the moms on her birth board and I am just relieved that we didn't go through all that. I used to just do the PC thing and agree that bfeeding and ffeeding both had their difficulties--they were equally hard, but in different ways. Now I am sure they're just not, lol. Those moms on Liz's birth board are dealing with nursing strikes and/or marathon nursing sessions (where I guess the baby just wants to nurse totally around the clock), mastitis, clogged ducts and dietary restrictions (due to gassiness or other problems in the baby). And for three months, we've just sailed through it all.

So, I guess breastfeeding is great for mom and baby if it can work, but I'm not looking back anymore. I've got my eye on the next goal actually, and am trying HARD not to start solids before 4 months! We put Liz's highchair together (Alex did, it was so cute, supervising him putting his baby sister's high chair together), so she can sit at the table with us (in a semi-reclining position--like about how her swing is), and she loves being there with us and I love not having to hold her through meals! She's very interested in watching us eat. The other day, I was eating a sandwich while I was holding her and she just watched me eat it and then stuck out that bottom lip and let out a howl with a big fat tear rolling down her cheek, for no apparent reason. I think she's interested in food!

Jessica · Posted: Thu Jul 28, 2005 5:47 pm Post subject: Breastfeeding advocacy?

Becky, I'm glad you're finally coming to terms with your decision. I don't think anybody should continue bfing if it's a miserable experience, especially given that we have a viable alternative. The farther you get away from the original decision, the less of priority it becomes. What's important is that you can now focus your energies on being enjoying that gorgeous baby!