The Imperfect Community

[colby]

I have a helpless mom moment to discuss.
My daughter is really smart, but she was in a young 3 year old class, and she was finishing worksheets before the teacher was done explaining to class. And she was the only one to answer questions, and the teachers felt like she was going to hurt the other children's confidence

Anyway, they put her in an OLDER 3 year old class, most of these kids are almost 4 and she is still doing great in class, (teacher says she finishes worksheets and is the 1st to call out answers still), but there are a LOT of boys in that class, and they are older, and I've been noticing some very disturbing behavior and some violence has been done to her.
She was kicked in the mouth the other day by one of the kids. All was done that could be, parent told, reported, etc. etc. But when I asked about the teacher just told me that 'kids will be kids'. My daughter told me about it, she told me, 'A kid kicked me, it had a bleed on it, I wiped it off and got some ice' I was totally freaked about it. Then this weekend she wanted to play 'Power Rangers' and kept pretend punching her dad. (She's never even seen power rangers).
How much should I blow off, and how much should I be freaking out about? I tend to be pretty laid back, and not get overly freaked, but this is my little girl, I don't want violence done to her, and I also don't want her to act out violently...the school won't move her back (I asked on Friday if that was a possibility) and I could find another school, but it is really hard during the middle of the 'school year' (most pre-schools that I would allow her in to have a hugemongous waiting list).
Does anyone know anything about Montessori? I don't really understand what is so different about that and the regular pre-school. There is a nice looking school that is close to my work that is billed as Montessori. Is it a cult thingie? Or should I just chill and leave her where she is with all the boys... (sorry to all parents of boys--I'm not denegrating boys, I swear).

[kathyjm]

I personally think you should wait and see...though I totally know how you feel. at this age, boys do like to imitate their 'hero's'.

I would, however, make sure the teachers put a stop to that kind of roughhousing. If your daughter didn't think it was a big deal, maybe it wasn't.

If it happens again though, i'd be all over that....

BTW..you must be so proud of her, moving up like that!

[Scout]

I'd check out the Montessori school. Three year olds shouldn't even be doing worksheets, IMO. But seriously, I don't think you're over reacting.

[colby]

THanks Scout -
What do you know about Montessori? I know it is a child centered philosphy. All I know is what my mother's teacher friends told me which was, 'Don't send her to Montessori!!!! She'll be coloring on the walls!!' (ha ha)

[Scout]

Lol, regular teachers are always down on Montessori. I think Montessori is a very good model for preschool. I think it's good beyond that only if you never plan on doing traditional school. But, for preschool, I think it teaches a lot of self-sufficiency and builds self esteem. They use a lot of wood manipulatives for learning and all of them are self-correcting. For example, during "work" time, they each get out a mat and are allowed to pick what they want to work on. A manipulative might consist of flat wooden geometric puzzle pieces and pattern cards, or a trough with spaces and little dowel pieces, where you put one piece in the one space, two in the two, etc. If it's not done correctly, there will be a pice too many or tow few, so the child knows to look for the mistake and try to correct it. They also focus a lot on practical life skills. They always have a kitchen/household play area and teach that kind of stuff. One thing I like a lot about the method is that you always focus on one thing, and put it away before starting something else. Someone should have taught me that!

[colby]

OH, well that sounds nice. And Lauren's favorite thing is puzzles and figuring out how stuff fits together.... I was thinking it was a free for all! (ha ha). I don't have a problem with chaos sometimes, but all the time causes stress, you know. But this actually sounds like it would be less chaotic...
interesting.
Thanks, Scout.

[Scout]

Yeah, I think it sounds chaotic to regular teachers because their whole model is based on crowd control. They may have a hard time believeing that given the opportunity, children will usually control themselves. Which is interesting since the Montessori method evolved out of a need to handle teacher shortages during wartime. Having older children help the younger ones is also a big part of it. It is really a very organized setting when done properly. Of course there's a lot of variation from school to school.

[Shrimp&Grits]

All the Montessori schools I checked out were really calm. The children seemed to be enjoying working at their own pace. I liked the environment.

[Jessica]

Many of the Montessori schools out here, practise traditional, strict Montessori guidelines in which the teachers are not allowed to say, "No."

My parenting style conflicts with their philosophy too much, it just makes me crazy.

I observed at one, back in college and I remember, besides the no saying "No," toddlers weren't taught to share because it was too complex of an issue. That just drove me nuts. As a parent, I feel it is parents and caregivers responsibility to teach toddlers sharing, for exactly that reason. It is too complex for them to understand, so showing them, teaching them -- it's our job. So, obviously, it's the not the school for us and I am perfectly fine with that.

Anyway, JMO.

[colby]

Thanks for the alternate opinion, Jessica.
Well, I definitely use 'No'. As in, can I have a piece of candy? 'No.'
Also, my psychological background and readings on Developmental Psychology do make me think that while children aren't necessarily completely cognizant of the concept of sharing until 3, they can be taught by practice before that. In addition, my daughter is three, and she is learning to share. This concept is harder to teach in an 'only' child, but she seems to do well in class with this. And this is a big deal to me.
The Montessori school here is pretty traditional from all that I've seen of their brochures. It is also insanely expensive (around $1000.00 a month)