Infidelity Triggers For Assholes

So, I’m checking my mail and a little headline on Yahoo News catches my attention. Your Man’s Infidelity Triggers. Knowing very well that this article is going to do nothing but piss me off, I click on it.

You really need to read it for yourself before I continue. Go ahead. I’ll wait.

All done? OK, now let me tell you the REAL 5 reasons why men cheat. It’s hardly as nuanced as Dave Zinczenko suggests it needs to be, and it’s from a real bona fide mental health professional, too.

1) He’s an Asshole (or a Shithead).
If he thinks his big job and big salary are impressive enough to give him some sort of right to cheat, because he’s Mr. Big Bucks or something, and can he won’t get caught because of his invincibility cloak, then he’s got a genuine delusion going on, or he’s an asshole.


2) He’s An Asshole.
Oh, poor baby can’t handle a promotion, it’s too much stress to be successful! Whaa! Whaa! He needs to spend his money on a hooker to fuck and then unload his problems to? He’s an asshole.

3) He’s an Asshole.
His wife doesn’t give him the attention he wants? She’s too tired from caring for his offspring all day to take care of her biggest baby? The kids are noisy, the house is hectic? Does he think SHE likes it there, if those are the living conditions? If he’s not man enough to deal with a little bit of family chaos, give his wife a break and instead cheats on her, then he’s an asshole.

4) He’s an Asshole.
Yeah, we all like being flirted with. It’s fun, it does make us feel sexy, but the fear of it leading to cheating only happens if he’s an asshole.

5) He’s an Asshole.
Has he been hanging out with Spongebob’s Patrick under that rock? Does he have a legitimate mental delay? Because that would be the only other explanation for really believing that cyber-sex isn’t cheating or that he can’t be caught. If he’s not really lacking in the IQ points, then he’s just an asshole.

There will always be challenges in a marriage. There are lumps and bumps to work through. But, any man worth keeping will address problems he’s having with his partner and work through them, not be distracted by the first shiny thing that comes along. Same holds true for women. But, this article was written FOR women to explain why men cheat. And didn’t give “asshole” as even one reason. Articles like these are just scare tactics. People read them and see some of their relationship in at least one of the characteristics and get scared. Most men do not cheat. Most women do not cheat. And pretty much everyone will come across at least one of those obstacles and will not cheat.

So, you see, we really don’t need Dave What’s-his-name to give us any sort of insight into the mind of a man who cheats. It’s pretty plain and simple. Dave What’s-his-name just lost a ton of credibility points with me for that article. There is no need to explain off unacceptable behavior, and lists like this, trying to explain it off, well, it’s just insulting. Cheating is wrong. It’s bad. It’s immoral and grounds for divorce. What’s next, a list explaining why some men beat their wives? Or why some men molest children? There is only one explanation—they’re horrible people. I was actually being kind by calling them assholes.