Whats the matter with mommy
Here's a collection of all of our articles filed under whats the matter with mommy
What's the Matter With Mommy?The Ten Parenting Commandments, Turned Up to ElevenBy Kelley Cunningham1. Thou Shall Not Judge
Thou shall not make hasty judgments of other people’s kids’ transgressions, lest the Parenting Gods hear you and instantly smite you with a child who develops an obsessive fascination with eating his nose nuggets.
2....
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What's the Matter With Mommy?Dear your name here, Happy Holidays!By Kelley CunninghamHave you ever tried to write a family newsletter at holiday time? Did you look back on the year and the only positive thing you could say about it is that you got through it?
Never fear! This Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwaanza use our helpful guide. You,...
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What's the Matter With Mommy?The New BoobTubeBy Kelley CunninghamWelcome to BoobTube! Television that’s all about YOU! Print out this handy schedule of the daily program lineup. Tape to the inside of the cleaning supplies closet where your kids wouldn’t dream of looking for it.
12am-1am: The Cracked...
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What's the Matter With Mommy?Helicopter Parent MagazineBy Kelley CunninghamNever out of sight, nor out of mind.
“OK, listen up everyone. We’re here to plan the next issue. What have you got?”
“I’ve got this submission. Should be a good one. It’s from a 'family bed' mom who is agonizing...
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What's the Matter with Mommy?Furry? Curry? What Rhymes With Worry?By Kelley CunninghamEnjoy the winning entries in the “Thirteen Ways of Looking at Motherhood” poetry contest. The contest was open to moms everywhere, in all stages of motherhood. Explore the wonder of motherhood through the magic of poetry!
Farmhouse in the...
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What's the Matter With Mommy?Existential Housekeeping, or L'ennui de l'hiver.
By Kelley CunninghamIt’s the kids’ eighth snow day of the year, and it’s only February. I think I may be going slightly mad. I find myself pondering things I’ve never noticed. Wrestling with demons heretofore unseen. And wondering why a mere 10 hours...
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What's the Matter With Mommy?Caroling with MommyBy Kelley Cunningham"Fake Christmas Tree"
(sung to the tune of O Tannenbaum)
Fake Christmas Tree, Fake Christmas Tree!
I bought you today at Target.
Fake Christmas Tree, Fake Christmas Tree!
Just plug it in and forget it!
On sale today, I found you there,
Next...
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What's the Matter With Mommy?Recession-Proof MotheringBy Kelley CunninghamUnless you’ve been living under a rock (and it may soon come to that, literally, for a lot of us), you’ve probably heard that our economy is in crisis. For the first time, some folks are waking up and smelling the coffee, seeing that it’s...
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What's the Matter With Mommy?He blinded me with science.By Kelley CunninghamThis morning, my youngest woke me up at 6am. I thanked him for allowing me to get a jump on the day, instead of letting me waste another hour or so sleeping. He proudly showed me the book he checked out from the school library. “Can we do some of...
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What's the Matter With Mommy?Welcome to the Seventh Grade Language Arts!By Kelley CunninghamDear Parents (and guardians, I suppose),
I am Mrs. Humorless, your child’s language arts teacher. Thank you for entrusting me with your child for this school year. I know you didn’t have a choice, but thanks anyway. I look forward to a...
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What's the Matter With Mommy?Loser Mom SyndromeBy Kelley CunninghamThe most overlooked disease facing Mothers today is Loser Mom Syndrome. LMS is a constant threat, a dark storm cloud lurking on the horizon that threatens to undermine any fleeting feelings of control and peace a mother can create for herself.
You...
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What's the Matter With Mommy?We need more mom holidays, dammit.By Kelley CunninghamGoing into this long holiday weekend, I realized that the 4th of July did not revolve around mothers. Why not? You can keep Mother’s Day. I want no part of a holiday where I have to remind my kids to buy me a card. I shun the crowds at the Mother’s...
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What's the Matter With Mommy?Have you heard the latest Mom jokes?By Kelley Cunningham“Knock, knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“Mom.”
“Mom who?”
“Whaddya mean, MOM WHO?”
“So these three moms walk into a bar…”
“Wait a minute! How did three moms manage...
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What's the Matter With Mommy?Haiku for the Peri-MenopausalBy Kelley CunninghamOld Friends
Over lunch, we laugh
And share common memories.
What’s your name again?
It’s Good For You
Eight glasses a day.
I spend my days in the john
But my skin looks great.
Circle of Life
Kids soar upward and
Glow with...
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What's the Matter With Mommy?The Tournament of Moms: A Very Special Edition of JeopardyBy Kelley CunninghamAlex: Welcome to the special “Tournament of Moms” on Jeopardy this week. Well, at least we hope it can run all week . . . we didn’t find too many Moms who had any brain cells left, and of those who did, only a few could find someone...
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What's the Matter With Mommy?GigaMama - A computer class for moms.By Kelley CunninghamIf you have been at home for a few years raising kids, chances are your four-year-old knows more about computers than you do. And chances are you’ve also read all the articles in More magazine telling you to keep your skills current so when you...
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What's the Matter With Mommy?You Be the Ad-Man! Or, Kelley’s Love Letter to Madison AvenueBy Kelley CunninghamHave you seen that vile commercial for the single-dose version of a children’s allergy medicine? The one where Loser Mom and Smug Mom are sitting on a park bench, and Smug saves the day by letting Loser borrow one of her single-dose packages? Isn’t...
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What's the Matter With Mommy?What Are You Going To Be?By Kelley CunninghamI think there should be Halloween costumes for Moms. Here are the ideas I am going to send in to the Halloween Express catalog for their consideration:
Drunk Raffi
Comes with vomit-encrusted fake beard, a busted geetar with a sound chip that plays...
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What's the Matter With Mommy?Need Guidance? Have Questions? Call 1-800-NUT-E-MOM!By Kelley Cunningham“Welcome to the Parent Help Line. Dial one for our automated menu options. Para el español, marcar por favor dos. Dial three at any time to speak to an operator. Dial four to speak to an operator who has children and knows what she’s...
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What's the Matter With Mommy?“My Candle Burns at Both Ends” -- Poems by the great poets’ parents.
By Kelley CunninghamThe Passionate Shepherd to His Son
By Christopher Marlowe’s Dad
Come drive with me and just be quiet,
And we will live on a junk food diet
That valleys, groves, road trips, and fields,
Woods, or rest stop yields.
And we will sit upon the rocks
(If,...
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What's the Matter With Mommy?"I Spy" for ParentsBy Kelley Cunningham(With sincere appreciation and apologies to the creators of the I Spy book series)
I Spy: Laundry Hell
I spy despair and guilt, toil and Tide.
Too much laundry to even attempt to hide.
Beach towels, even though now it's Fall.
Clothes stacked...
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What's the Matter With Mommy?Don't Even Bother: The Case Against Childbirth Preparation ClassesBy Kelley CunninghamDo you feel that you were well prepared for childbirth? Were you able to distinguish the mucous plug from snot as you peered into the john for signs that labor was starting? Did you do your kegels while riding the subway to work, quite amazed that you...
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What's the Matter With Mommy?Free association nation.By Kelley Cunningham“Mom, do we have our own gravitational pull?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Why not?”
“We just don’t…”
“I’ll ask Dad.”
“Are you studying gravity in…”
“Mom?...
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What's the Matter With Mommy?I'll have an eggnog. And make it a double.By Kelley CunninghamWell, the Halloween candy has been condensed down to one bowl, and all of the Fun Size Snickers have been picked out of it. You know what that means. It’s time for Christmas preparation.
Am I the only one who dreads this time of year? I make Scrooge...
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What's the Matter With Mommy?I resolve...By Kelley CunninghamIt’s the start of a new year, and that means it’s time for a fresh start. This year, O Mighty Being o’ the Clouds, I shall let the Evolved Woman/Smarty Pants/Total Babe Within shine.
La la la…where to begin? So many IMPROVEMENTS...
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What's the Matter With Mommy?Super(mom)model.By Kelley CunninghamI was watching the Today show the other morning, and two mothers were discussing with Meredith Vieira whether or not it was okay to have a cocktail during a playgroup. I cannot believe this is actually a topic worthy of a debate on national television....
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What's the Matter With Mommy?Mommy Mensa (or How the Kids Ate My Brain)By Kelley CunninghamA friend of mine told me that there is one month every year that you can take the Mensa test and, if you pass, join the eggheads of the world in their elite club.
I’m not sure what you would receive as a reward for achieving Mensa status. It’s...
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What's the Matter With Mommy?Green mommy.By Kelley CunninghamWhat does one do with old, outgrown toys and other kid detritus? It’s great if you have a small niece or nephew around to hand it all down to, and it’s more than admirable to donate it to the Salvation Army. Another option, though, is to reuse...
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What's the Matter With Mommy?The Children's Learning InstituteBy Kelley CunninghamProfessor Emeritus: Dennis the Menace
Professors: Bam-Bam Rubble, Calvin and Hobbes, Eddie Haskell
Senior Lecturers: PigPen, Lucy VanPelt and Max from Where the Wild Things Are
Guest Lecturers: Everybody Else’s Kids
Course Offerings for the...
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What's the Matter With Mommy?WHAT did you just call me??By Kelley CunninghamThe other night I was reading a book about starfish to my youngest. As we counted the starfish’s fingers or whatever they are, he corrected me.
“Mom, they’re not called starfish anymore. They are SEA STARS. Teacher said.”
“Really?”...
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What's the Matter With Mommy?West and Rewaxation at Wast, or, A Taste of the Empty NestBy Kelley CunninghamI recently found myself living the dream that kept me alive all those years when my children were small and ever-present. Those days when I couldn’t even sit on the toilet without a note passed under the door…“Mom can i hav gum e bears?...
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What's the Matter With Mommy?Kelley the WonderMom’s School of Hard KnocksBy Kelley CunninghamMost of us went through Lamaze or some such class to prepare us for the miracle of birth. Dontcha think it would be more useful to have classes that prepared us for the real pangs of raising children? I think I’m going to start my own school. There’s...
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