| Filed under: Columnists |
What's the Matter With Mommy?
Have you heard the latest Mom jokes?
By Kelley Cunningham
“Knock, knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“Mom.”
“Mom who?”
“Whaddya mean, MOM WHO?”
“So these three moms walk into a bar…”
“Wait a minute! How did three moms manage...read more |
Tags: whats the matter with mommy, humor, jokes |
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What's the Matter With Mommy?
Haiku for the Peri-Menopausal
By Kelley Cunningham
Old Friends
Over lunch, we laugh
And share common memories.
What’s your name again?
It’s Good For You
Eight glasses a day.
I spend my days in the john
But my skin looks great.
Circle of Life
Kids soar upward and
Glow with...read more |
Tags: haiku, whats the matter with mommy |
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What's the Matter With Mommy?
The Tournament of Moms: A Very Special Edition of Jeopardy
By Kelley Cunningham
Alex: Welcome to the special “Tournament of Moms” on Jeopardy this week. Well, at least we hope it can run all week . . . we didn’t find too many Moms who had any brain cells left, and of those who did, only a few could find someone...read more |
Tags: jeopardy, whats the matter with mommy, moms |
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What's the Matter With Mommy?
GigaMama - A computer class for moms.
By Kelley Cunningham
If you have been at home for a few years raising kids, chances are your four-year-old knows more about computers than you do. And chances are you’ve also read all the articles in More magazine telling you to keep your skills current so when you...read more |
Tags: whats the matter with mommy, computers, moms |
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What's the Matter With Mommy?
You Be the Ad-Man! Or, Kelley’s Love Letter to Madison Avenue
By Kelley Cunningham
Have you seen that vile commercial for the single-dose version of a children’s allergy medicine? The one where Loser Mom and Smug Mom are sitting on a park bench, and Smug saves the day by letting Loser borrow one of her single-dose packages? Isn’t...read more |
Tags: whats the matter with mommy, marketing |
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What's the Matter With Mommy?
What Are You Going To Be?
By Kelley Cunningham
I think there should be Halloween costumes for Moms. Here are the ideas I am going to send in to the Halloween Express catalog for their consideration:
Drunk Raffi
Comes with vomit-encrusted fake beard, a busted geetar with a sound chip that plays...read more |
Tags: costumes, whats the matter with mommy, halloween |
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What's the Matter With Mommy?
Need Guidance? Have Questions? Call 1-800-NUT-E-MOM!
By Kelley Cunningham
“Welcome to the Parent Help Line. Dial one for our automated menu options. Para el español, marcar por favor dos. Dial three at any time to speak to an operator. Dial four to speak to an operator who has children and knows what she’s...read more |
Tags: whats the matter with mommy, humor, parenting essays, parental help line, parent support groups |
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What's the Matter With Mommy?
“My Candle Burns at Both Ends” -- Poems by the great poets’ parents.
By Kelley Cunningham
The Passionate Shepherd to His Son
By Christopher Marlowe’s Dad
Come drive with me and just be quiet,
And we will live on a junk food diet
That valleys, groves, road trips, and fields,
Woods, or rest stop yields.
And we will sit upon the rocks
(If,...read more |
Tags: whats the matter with mommy, parenting essays, humor, poetry |
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What's the Matter With Mommy?
"I Spy" for Parents
By Kelley Cunningham
(With sincere appreciation and apologies to the creators of the I Spy book series)
I Spy: Laundry Hell
I spy despair and guilt, toil and Tide.
Too much laundry to even attempt to hide.
Beach towels, even though now it's Fall.
Clothes stacked...read more |
Tags: whats the matter with mommy, humor, dirty laundry, messy toys, cleaning, organization, junk drawer |
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What's the Matter With Mommy?
Don't Even Bother: The Case Against Childbirth Preparation Classes
By Kelley Cunningham
Do you feel that you were well prepared for childbirth? Were you able to distinguish the mucous plug from snot as you peered into the john for signs that labor was starting? Did you do your kegels while riding the subway to work, quite amazed that you...read more |
Tags: whats the matter with mommy, humor, birthing classes, doula, lamaze |
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What's the Matter With Mommy?
Free association nation.
By Kelley Cunningham
“Mom, do we have our own gravitational pull?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Why not?”
“We just don’t…”
“I’ll ask Dad.”
“Are you studying gravity in…”
“Mom?...read more |
Tags: whats the matter with mommy, humor |
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What's the Matter With Mommy?
I'll have an eggnog. And make it a double.
By Kelley Cunningham
Well, the Halloween candy has been condensed down to one bowl, and all of the Fun Size Snickers have been picked out of it. You know what that means. It’s time for Christmas preparation.
Am I the only one who dreads this time of year? I make Scrooge...read more |
Tags: whats the matter with mommy, parenting, humor, christmas shopping, holidays |
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What's the Matter With Mommy?
I resolve...
By Kelley Cunningham
It’s the start of a new year, and that means it’s time for a fresh start. This year, O Mighty Being o’ the Clouds, I shall let the Evolved Woman/Smarty Pants/Total Babe Within shine.
La la la…where to begin? So many IMPROVEMENTS...read more |
Tags: whats the matter with mommy, humor, parenting, new year resolutions |
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What's the Matter With Mommy?
Super(mom)model.
By Kelley Cunningham
I was watching the Today show the other morning, and two mothers were discussing with Meredith Vieira whether or not it was okay to have a cocktail during a playgroup. I cannot believe this is actually a topic worthy of a debate on national television....read more |
Tags: whats the matter with mommy, parenting, humor, modeling behavior |
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What's the Matter With Mommy?
Mommy Mensa (or How the Kids Ate My Brain)
By Kelley Cunningham
A friend of mine told me that there is one month every year that you can take the Mensa test and, if you pass, join the eggheads of the world in their elite club.
I’m not sure what you would receive as a reward for achieving Mensa status. It’s...read more |
Tags: whats the matter with mommy, humor, parenting, mensa, parenting test |
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What's the Matter With Mommy?
Green mommy.
By Kelley Cunningham
What does one do with old, outgrown toys and other kid detritus? It’s great if you have a small niece or nephew around to hand it all down to, and it’s more than admirable to donate it to the Salvation Army. Another option, though, is to reuse...read more |
Tags: whats the matter with mommy, recycling, parenting humor |
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What's the Matter With Mommy?
The Children's Learning Institute
By Kelley Cunningham
Professor Emeritus: Dennis the Menace
Professors: Bam-Bam Rubble, Calvin and Hobbes, Eddie Haskell
Senior Lecturers: PigPen, Lucy VanPelt and Max from Where the Wild Things Are
Guest Lecturers: Everybody Else’s Kids
Course Offerings for the...read more |
Tags: whats the matter with mommy, humor, satire, parenting |
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What's the Matter With Mommy?
WHAT did you just call me??
By Kelley Cunningham
The other night I was reading a book about starfish to my youngest. As we counted the starfish’s fingers or whatever they are, he corrected me.
“Mom, they’re not called starfish anymore. They are SEA STARS. Teacher said.”
“Really?”...read more |
Tags: moms, parenting, humor, whats the matter with mommy, education, schools |
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What's the Matter With Mommy?
West and Rewaxation at Wast, or, A Taste of the Empty Nest
By Kelley Cunningham
I recently found myself living the dream that kept me alive all those years when my children were small and ever-present. Those days when I couldn’t even sit on the toilet without a note passed under the door…“Mom can i hav gum e bears?...read more |
Tags: alone time, camp, whats the matter with mommy |
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What's the Matter With Mommy?
Kelley the WonderMom’s School of Hard Knocks
By Kelley Cunningham
Most of us went through Lamaze or some such class to prepare us for the miracle of birth. Dontcha think it would be more useful to have classes that prepared us for the real pangs of raising children? I think I’m going to start my own school. There’s...read more |
Tags: whats the matter with mommy, parenting classes |
