The Imperfect Parent - Articles || What's the Matter With Mommy?

PUBLISHED September, 2005
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What's the Matter With Mommy?

Back-to-school momku.

by Kelley Cunningham

Summertime, and the
living is easy? Yeah, right.
Gershwin had no kids.

Waning summer brings
the autumnal rite…new socks,
Haircut and undies.

By September first,
spending time with the children
seems overrated.

September at last.
The kids walk sadly to school
but Mom does a jig.

Ah…steaming coffee
never tasted so good as
on day one of school.

Tears, clinging, long hugs.
Are the kids sad? No, it’s the
Kindergarten moms.

For Mom, no Porsche can
compare to the sight of a
big yellow schoolbus.

Do not rest just yet.
Once more you will take that ride.
Forgotten lunch box.

Back in the old days
All lunchboxes were either
“Campus Queen” or Plaid.

How was your first day?
Teacher mean. Too much homework.
Ugh. Long year ahead.

Must have new crayons.
Old pencils not good enough.
School supply racket.

No-show volunteers.
Hell hath no fury like a
dissed PTA mom.

Look into yourself.
The patience you seek is there.
Second grade class play.

Last minute panic.
Permission slip is due.
Must have been thrown out.

Hold fast to knowledge.
What do you mean you can’t find
your library book?

Everything kids need
they get in Kindergarten,
like rhinovirus.

Score a brand-new fleece
while cleaning the Lost and Found.
Finders Keepers, kid.

Do not ask for whom
the bell tolls…it tolls for you.
Late to school again.

God saves a special
place in heaven for Moms who
chaperone class trips.

School says keep kid home
A full day after fever
but how will they know?

Whole language? Phonics?
The debate rages onward
Bring back Dick and Jane.

The awesome amount
of flyers sent home from school
can make Greenpeace weep.

PTA Nazis
search for moms who volunteer.
Don’t give them your name!

“Can you chaperone?
Will you chair a committee?”
Go-run away fast!

I don’t understand.
They must be stark-raving mad.
How do they home-school?

Bully said SpongeBob
is for dorks? Well, let him buy
you a new backpack.

Kid…here’s a secret:
you’ll never use Algebra.
It’s all a big lie.

“What’s a vagina?
Some kid said it at recess”.
Gulp: time for The Talk.

“Help me with homework!”
You thought you were done with school?
You have just begun.