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IMPERFECTION IN YOUR INBOX
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POPULAR RIGHT NOW
Coffee or Tea, Which One is for Me? When I registered as an Independent, I did so because... read more » The Ides and Crooked Teeth of March According to the old saying, the month of March usually... read more » Why I'm tired of the GOP There's no doubt (except perhaps among loyal listeners... read more » |
1. Liz C
Sep 23, 2008 11:09
I am so with you... I feel like I can't call myself a single mom because The Ex is certainly holding up his end of the co-parenting deal. I am in no way raising my son alone. Although I have been known to play the card on occasion, and I always feel bad about it. Unfortunately, it just takes too long to explain that yeah, I'm single and I have a son, but my Ex is a really good dad and we're co-parenting....Thanks for putting it out there. I thought I was the only one in this particular boat.
2. Tonya
Sep 23, 2008 17:10
I like this because I too struggle with the term "single mom". The term is such an oxymoron in my eyes because each word means something completely different!!I try not to play that card either unless I want pity from my kid's teacher for not doing an elaborate assignment (that my kid shouldn't be expected to do at their age anyway... but that's a whole other topic). Other than that, yeah, its one of those things where I may not have it as bad as others. But for some reason, we all feel that we have to define ourselves as something, right? So society knows what to do with us? Me? I just try to be happy, no matter what.
3. Susan
Sep 23, 2008 22:24
Liz and Tonya, thanks for sharing your thoughts on what "single mom" means to you. It's been on my mind lately because I keep hearing women using this term. (Well, you know except for women who aren't moms and aren't single!) It's kind of disconcerting to hear celebs or the "Real Housewives" bemoaning the fact that they're single moms -- I mean how hard is it when you have a maid, a nutritionist, nanny? But then I started to think that I've had a lot of luxuries that many moms, single or not, don't.4. Kathy
Sep 24, 2008 09:05
Maybe you're just a mom and a single woman? Although I'm married I am convinced that many kids, like yours, are not in any way at a disadvantage because their dad isn't around. Indeed some are at a disadvantage because they ARE.Thank you for the great post Susan.
5. dadshouse
Sep 24, 2008 15:13
My situation is similar to yours - my ex and I split amicably, have 50% legal and physical custody, co-parent, put the kids first.I didn't start using the "single dad" label until I entered the blogosphere. I know single parents come in all shapes and sizes. I'm single. I'm a dad. I'm deeply involved in my kids' lives. I seek out adult relationships of both the casual and fulfilling kind.
I know that my issues as a "single parent" are totally different than a full time single mom of a toddler whose ex occasionally wanders into her life. But that doesn't make me or my story any less relevant. In fact, I find that married people can totally relate to my situation, and see their own lives through a different light by looking at me.
Don't feel guilty.
6. Single Mom Seeking
Sep 25, 2008 12:34
I've thought a lot about this one, too. Thanks for letting us into your mind.For a while, I used to call myself a "solo mom." I'm on my own -- no ex in the picture.
So, I do see myself in a different boat than single parents who have split custody... on the other hand, I have an amazing support of family and friends nearby.
Indeed, the label doesn't fit all.
7. Susan
Sep 25, 2008 13:13
Kathy, I appreciate you chiming in on this, and Dadshouse and Single Mom Seeking, you're right: no need for guilt...although isn't that what parenting's all about??!SMS: I like the "solo mom" concept, similar to what Kathy wrote above.
8. Paula
Oct 11, 2008 22:23
I'm a little behind on my blogreading, so this comment is kind of late. I became a single mother a couple of months ago when my husband passed away. I have a hard time referring to myself as a single parent because I don't want to have to explain the situation. When I have mentioned it, most people say something about divorce because they assume that's why I'm single. No one assumes that I would be a widow at 38. And, like you, I don't have a lot of the struggles often identified with single moms. We are doing well financially. I only work one job that affords me a great deal of flexibility. I can afford to send my children to parochial school and still have some extra treats. I have a lot of support from my family to help out with the kids when I need it. So it is kind of weird for me for that reason, too. Since I know that term conjures up a lot of stereotypical images in people that I don't feel apply to me.9. Susan
Oct 12, 2008 22:47
Paula, thanks for your comment and I'm sorry for your loss. You're right that, most often, divorce is the first thing that comes to my mind when I think "single parent" -- but, like anything, I've learned the hard way that assumptions aren't worth a ton, especially being on the other side of one! I guess in the end, regardless of how we got here, we're all trying to to do the same thing as our married or coupled up counterparts: raise our kids the best we can.Now, if someone can just tell me how to prep for my daughter's teenage years, I'll be golden...!