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Beautiful People Make Better Mothers

Screw you, Cindy Crawford.

By Kelley Cunningham

Oh my goodness. I just laughed until my sides ached. Now I have to pee. Because unlike celebrities, I can't sneeze, cough, or laugh anymore without peeing!

Posted by: Brandy Stoner | Apr 25, 2006 15:56

I almost did a spit-take. Thank you for this! I've been trying in vain to find two seconds to take of my old toenail polish for a month. Glad I'm not alone.

Posted by: Michelle O\'Neil | May 06, 2006 16:38

Uh, am I the only one who puts my kid in the playpen so I can get a few extra minutes of sleep in the mornings?...
Maybe the "celebrities" could start a fund-a-nanny program for responsible weary folks like us. It could be the new AIDs. We could have a telethon. Think about it.

Posted by: Courtney Blaylock | Jun 08, 2006 13:32

so funny! I needed that. I've been trying to take my toenail polish off too...and dig out the dirt that has caked up between the nail and the bed, etc etc. I've resorted to touching up as best I can to hide it.

Posted by: lori | Jul 07, 2006 01:11

Ladies, I'm so glad you like my writing! These comments you left made my day...thank you!

Courtney, I like what you said about the fund-a-nanny program! I swear the only thing I thought of when I heard about Warren Buffett's recent contribution to the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation is, selfishly, hey, Warren baby, how about dividing that up evenly for every household in the US! I could use a few grand!

Well, onto my reading. Says here in the latest celeb mag that Reese is not pregnant, merely bloated. Well, thank goodness for that. Now at least I'll be able to sleep tonight.


Posted by: Kelley Cunningham | Jul 07, 2006 21:07

Thank you for your words of truth and wisdom. We'd all look great if our personal trainers and nannies showed up at the same time, dragged us out of our beds and forced Zone Meals down our throats while doing leg lifts.

I'm in for that telethon, by the way.

Posted by: Amanda McGeshick | Aug 17, 2006 15:59

What a funny read! I just sent it to a few friends. You really get it! Thanks for the reality check.
Nancy

Posted by: Nancy Kane | Sep 02, 2006 23:40

This was hilarious, and so right on. Celebrity moms are as annoying as, women who say "Oh you will miss them when they are gone" I feel like saying are you fucking insane!! I am throwing THE BIGGEST PARTY when my nest is empty. In fact my current fanatasy is that I am in a coma for a month so that I can just vegetate.

Posted by: Rupal Desai | Sep 13, 2006 07:24

Kelley, that is the funniest thing I have ever read! I've finally got my two boys to bed (for the second time), and wanted to do some "parent" reading. I am seriously laughing to tears. My two-day old mascara is running down my face.

Posted by: Natasha | Sep 06, 2007 21:06

Funniest thing I've read in a long long loooooong time. I feel you. That's the kind of cynical stuff that goes through my head too when seeing celebrities with babies.

Posted by: Liz | Nov 15, 2007 00:02

OMG. I could not agree with your more. I had my son 9 months ago and still have that fat protruding out of my belly. And these women look perfect after they give birth, like as if they lippo suctioned their pregnancy fat during labor.

Posted by: cathy | Apr 06, 2008 03:25

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