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Mominatrix

Sex and the single mom.

By Kristen Chase

I met a lot of great guys, and am now in a wonderful relationship with a guy I met through an online dating service. Honestly, here in NYC, it's pretty impossible otherwise.

The thing with being divorced, is you *do* have time to date - as the X has the kids every other weekend. Free time that I NEVER had when I was married! (It's really one of those unspoken perks!)

The only real downside I found with online dating, though, is that it drills you down to your most basic parts. While I look young, am still (kinda) hip, and have the kids at my X's every other weekend... on an online dating site I all of a sudden became this FORTY YEAR OLD MOM OF TWO KIDS WHO LIVES IN THE OUTER BOROUGHS.

Now that I'm in a great relationship, with a "normal" guy I realize everything that I was missing being single and being in such a dysfunctional marriage... For me, no matter how I slice it - it's better now. Beyond the sex, there is the support, the extra pair of hands, sombody to bounce things off of, and yesterday - when I had to go to a scary Dr's appointment - he offered to take off work and go with me. So cool.

Posted by: Amy | May 04, 2007 06:42

i second online dating - i yell it loud and proud - i am a single mother. i think it weeds out *some* of the losers. i've had some great conversations, first dates, and now am in a great relationship with someone that i do have a lot in common with.

maybe online dating narrows you down to a few characteristics, but at least you have the opportunity to define those.

i will add though, that as a mom who doesn't have a dad in the picture to take kidlet for a night, the sex issue is fairly tricky.

Posted by: d- | May 04, 2007 14:08

I'm also a single mom with 2 kids and no dad in the picture, meaning absolutely zero free time without kids. While the "idea" of a guy in my life sounds um, nice, I can't imagine how this would work, logistically. Online dating might take care of the "meeting", but where do I find the time and ENERGY to actually get to know them and build a relationship? C'mon, I have a full time job that pays the bills and then a full time job parenting. Call me exhausted. I dare say, it would take one hell of a special guy to capture much more than a fantasy from me. But keep the fantasies coming - it's somewhat sustaining!

Posted by: K | May 04, 2007 19:05

I can certainly relate to the wanting to shove the "it's just not your time / when you least expect it" bits back into well-meaning friends' mouths. I agree with my fellow single moms here that online dating is a great way to meet people, although it takes a lot of time and energy, even for someone who does have the benefit of an involved father. I also think some online dating sites selection processes are overhyped; no one can truly assess compatibility except for you. Speed dating and doing activities you like also open up doors...at least I hope so for my own sake! To D and K, don't give up. Finding a good babysitter or swapping sitting duties with a fellow parent may help, but I agree...things don't ever seem to be easy as a single mom.

Mominatrix, good article and enjoying your column.

Posted by: Susan | May 20, 2007 00:13

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