1. Sonia

Oct 24, 2006 17:19

Each child is born with their personality ready to go. Thanks for sharing your sleep journey (so far) with your little Dusty, even though you have all been awake for much of it. My girlfriends have the two ends of the spectrum of sleepers and my little guy is in the middle (we do pretty well). I can't wait to share this!

2. Kelli

Oct 28, 2006 22:08

Oh my God! I read this late at night while my husband was making the fourth attempt of the evening at getting our 3 year old to bed. I laughed so hard I turned red. Then I got tears in my eyes because I could relate so much. Thanks for the therapy!

3. Jeannie

Mar 06, 2007 16:16

I needed this.... my son is 8 months old and I have given in to the fact he sleeps when he wants.... be it 11 pm or 1 am...

4. joy

Apr 18, 2007 02:32

I really loved your article, of course there are things I found myself doubting whether you did it right or gave a certain technique enough time to work (aren't parents so judgemental) but there are so many of your points that made me laugh, smile and agree with you wholeheartedly. Especially, I am humbled by your lack of defensiveness at your "technique" to give in and let him set the schedule. I have friends who have done this and I have been very judgemental thinking they are harming the kid and stopping him from ever being able to be a good sleeper in life, but after reading your article I wonder if some kids are just born that way? I am now dealing with the issue with our second child at six months. I followed Gina Ford's contented baby book's schedule with my son (letting him cry it out- we committed to a week) at 7 months when I could stand him waking up every 2 hours no longer. After 2 days of crying, he did miraculously start sleeping from 7pm to 6am. Now at 4, he still keeps to the same pattern (please don't hate me). But as we are all sleeping in the same room (lest we freeze to death in our cold house) I am feeding our 6 month old whenever she wakes and she is starting to wake more often I think because of this. As I am back to work full time, this is killing me and it is getting harder and harder to cope- but I like your ideas about getting a sitter to let you sleep in and getting your husband to take first shift, etc. I will try those ideas while I try to figure out what if we want to try to let her cry or if I am just going to ride it out and deal with the lack of sleep for a while.
Thanks for sharing.

5. Karen

Jun 20, 2007 12:19

Like Joy, I did wonder if you gave each method enough time. We've been working through Elizabeth Pantley's "No-Cry Sleep Solution" book and having some success. But she points out that the sleeping-through-the-night thing is a total myth. A huge percentage of kids wake up a couple times of night for their first few years, so why is that framed as a "sleep problem" and not simply considered the norm?

6. Msno

Jul 24, 2007 19:13

I could hug the author. At 18 months, I am dealing with the same thing, and have grown so tired of the ideal that experts and other parents think my child should be.

7. Del

Jul 28, 2007 17:16

Your article was great! It made me smile because my son also came home from the hospital sleeping very little. He didn't sleep through the night until he was two years old and only napped 1/2 hour a day. (even as an infant) We tried everything to get him to sleep ...for long periods of time. I bought every book I could and looked up information on line when I could. Nothing was working. I felt like a horrible failure since I couldn't make anything work for him. It wasn't until he was older that I discovered he had a sensory issue. Every sound, site, movement, or feeling was magnafied to to him. His doctor diagnosed colic was really a sensory issue. He also was suffering from fluid in the ear canal.(he only had pain while lying down) When his brain was finally able to take in all the stimulus and tubes were put in, we had a much calmer life. Looking back I wish doctors, family, and friends would've taken me more serious in the many months of no sleep with a screaming baby. I felt like no one understood what I was dealing with.
All the advice in the world wouldn't have helped me. What I needed was some physical help from family, less judgement, and a decent doctor.
I'm happy to say my son is now a healthy and happy 5 year old. He still requires a lot less sleep than many of his little friends but is doing great. By the way, so is mom.

8. Karin

Jul 28, 2007 21:05

What a wonderful article - parenting has become a crtical, failure driven experience. Maybe its time we all relax and put down the books and let are kids be free to be who they are.

9. Mom of unsleeping baby Rowan

Oct 29, 2007 01:22

I love it! I am the mom of a beautiful, happy, adorabley frustratingly non sleeping baby and it was like a breath of fresh air to read this article! I have done many of the same things that she describes here and I think I am going to happily and sleepily surrendor! Also..I have 2 other beautiful sleeping children who did just lovely with bedtimes, schedules and all around sleepy time, but they're all different and our little Rowan appears to just have an added zest for the night life and life in general!

10. jane parker

Nov 10, 2007 13:36

very sad. i am a therapist and reading this just reminds me of how parents use their kids as narcisstic extensions, for better and for worse. kids need sleep.napping natzies- your term- are mothers who impose structure on their kids- which is one of the most improtant things a mother can give her child. bounderies- which seem to be lacking in your story- another wonderful gift you can give your son.
he needs a mom- not a romantic story of how bad parenting is actually a great thing.

11. Jessica

Feb 06, 2008 17:14

Wow. Thank you.
My 6 month old is a terrible sleeper and I'm nearing the end of my rope. Suspected asthma just denied us CIO, which was going to be our last ditch effort.
Her sister is such a great sleeper that my husband and I were thrown for a loop with this new little girl who has such a different approach to dealing with the night.
Thanks for giving me some hope, not that she'll sleep better, but that I can survive.

12. Amy

Feb 16, 2008 13:39

I bet that therapist who commented above doesn't have any kids. Your article didn't say or suggest anywhere that you don't have boundaries! Give me a break. Anyway, just wanted to add to the thanks. I'm a new mom with the worst night sleeper I've met. Oh he naps just fine during the day--we've tried lots of sleep systems recommended by the various books, which guarantee that when you get the naps down right, the baby will naturally start sleeping well at night. Ha! is all I can say. We do perfect nap schedules in the day and still he's wanting to nurse and/or play all night. I think you're right--some kids just aren't going to sleep the way the books say they're supposed to. If it were so easy there wouldn't be so many books with totally conflicting advice. Anyway, thank you again for this article, which makes me feel so much better.

13. Richard Grubb

Mar 07, 2008 08:09

You mean... I'm not going crazy?!?! There are really other parents/children out there who get no sleep because the young one HATES sleep??? I'm writing this now after searching high and low for solutions and possible problems of our son now nearing 3 months fights sleep with a passion. So far the only way either of us can get sleep is mainly by sleeping in shifts... but sleep deprivation is a constant battle we both fight on a regular basis. Getting more than 3+ hours of sleep at once is a godsend around here. He seems to have sixth sense about when he's let go from being held, laid down, or when people are making a hot meal... lol. Sadly, it's winter/cold and cough season... and the FDA has pretty much forced drug companies hands and most of the medication designed to help infants with colds/flu have been pulled off the market because of a few fatal overdoses from neglectful "parents" or "child care providers". So when my son isn't sleeping because he's choking to death on his own flegm, he's super active and fully interested in the world and stimulation... which we're more than happy to give. However when all our son does is powernap for an hour or less, and stay up for 5-8 hours... daddy cries on the inside. So now knowing that it is in all reality possible that such a situation CAN exist with seemingly no solution to helping a baby sleep... I can in a sense put my mind at rest. I thought we were doing something wrong or maybe something was wrong with him. Doc's can't explain it... and I'm not going to drug my son just because he has the gift of operating on less sleep that most of us would consider priceless. Thank you for sharing your situation and helping us with ours... best of luck to you all!

14. Richard Grubb

Mar 07, 2008 08:29

For the "therapist" trolling the comments, who's comment about being "narcisstic" is like the idiom "Pot calling the kettle black." Rather than being empathetic (a quality that "should" be present in most counselors and/or therapists in order to do their job) and giving constructive criticism, you belittle the person and offer no insight of your own to prevent or possibly correct the matter. For proclaiming to be a therapist, maybe you should specify what kind, and be so bold as to put your opinion where your mouth is and give us your place of practice so we can inform your superiors of your "expert advice" and see what they have to say about it? If not... then you've already spoken for the quality of your "advice".

15. bev

Mar 29, 2008 21:03

AMEN and AMEN!!

my now 2.5 yr old was 11 weeks premature. even being THAT early, when he was in the NICU he was up for 3 hour stretches. i should have known then that i was doomed.

once we chucked all the sleeping books and theories, our lives got better. he's actually falling asleep on his own now.

16. Brandie

May 06, 2008 17:03

I have Dusty's twin brother at my house! And my first daughter was like this, but not as extreme as these boys are. I have given up too. And we are sometimes hanging out together at 3am - but I can't change it. I've tried. It's not worth the stress and the headache. =) But it's nice to know I'm not alone!

17. Liz woodsworth

May 07, 2008 15:10

Thanks for this. I have a 3 month old non napper and have struggled with just letting it go because everything and everyone tells you it should be different it's not healthy. But from 6 weeks old my darling little man has been awake all day and regularly up at night. I realize 3 months is nothing but when all your friends have sleepers and have time for showers and brushing their hair you wonder.

Anyway I will feel better about just letting him sleep as he will.

18. elisa

May 27, 2008 13:18

Wow. I dont feel as alone anymore. We have a newborn who is 9 weeks now. She's a crier. Seriously, everyone (including our pediatrician) states that they have never seen a fussier baby than her. she doesnt take naps longer than 20 min. during the night, she wakes about every 45 min to an hour. My husband and I are exhausted. She wont eat eventhough she's hungry. So, we cant seem to get her on a schedule. I think Im going to give up now.

19. Dawn

Jun 06, 2008 23:36

We have an 8 month old who came home from the hospital not sleeping. I think it's our culture that tries to make babies fit into OUR schedule instead of highlighting their individuality. I've have just adopted the "let it be" theory tonight when I came across this article. Perfect timing! By the way, I too am a therapist who works with children and all I can say to the other therapist is it is much easier to give advice when you don't live it and see exceptions to the "rules".

20. Heidi

Jul 04, 2008 00:02

Thank you. I have a 6 month old who is a poor sleeper. She takes short naps unless I am holding her and at night she is up every 2 hours. For the first part of the night she wakes every hour than after midnight she sleeps in the 2 hours bursts and wants to nurse. I have tried everything without success. I have a 5 yr old who sleeps great down at 8 up at 7 and has been a great sleeper her whole life. I always had her on a schedule-still do-and assumed this one would follow suit. I guess we have learned the #1 lesson--all children are different. I think this article just reminds us of that and lets parents know it's ok if they don't always fit the mold. So, thank you!!

21. J Lanza

Aug 17, 2008 16:26

As a parent whose 10 month old child continues to cry during the night, your story touched home. Even though I am not ready to let go, your article gives me hope. We are both exhausted and my work is suffering. Thank you for sharing your story.

22. S Leep

Aug 21, 2008 11:00

I take care of a good friend's 7 month old baby girl daily, for 9 hour stretches. My friend works during the day, so she keeps their baby up even after she begins to show noticeable signs of tiredness each night. I'm guessing the baby gets about 7 hours of broken sleep a night. I know they run in if the pacifier falls out, etc., and attempt putting her back down each time she wakes up. They have not tried the cry-it-out methods... Point is, the baby cannot put herself back to sleep whether at night or during the day. I spend 9 hours a day with an over-tired non-sleeper. Her average "sleep" time (after a fight to get her down) is 20 minutes. I don't know how my friend gets through a work day. I want to go to bed as soon as the baby is picked up each day. I am sorry if this is offensive, but I don't understand why any parent, for their own well-being, wouldn't consistently try a suggested method. Babies need to learn to self-sooth and put themselves to sleep and back to sleep. This article suggests that it is fine with you that your child decides when you sleep, eat, shower, grocery shop, etc. How can a person live like that for long? It doesn't sound glorious to me; it sounds awful and exhausting.

23. Jackie keeble

Sep 21, 2008 17:01

After yet another 'failed sleeping' night this was so refreshing to read - exactly how I fell .. thanks

24. Dana Schwartz

Sep 26, 2008 12:18

I'd like to thank the author for this article. It was equal parts terrifying and gratifying. My husband and I are the parents of a five month old wonderful baby girl who has the sleeping habits of a college student hyped up on caffeine and energy drinks. She doesn't sleep more than 2-3 hours a shot at night and often wakes up crying - and forget napping, which is hit or miss, but more likely miss. I've read so many books, heard so much advice, none of it helpful. I've fought with my husband, been mean to him, mean to my child (only in my mind, thank goodness) and most of all, mean toward myself. I've felt like a failure as a mother for not being able to get my baby to sleep. This article made me realize I'm not alone. I haven't given up the fight yet - but "giving up" and letting my baby sleep when she sleeps, is certainly an option I hadn't previously considered.

25. Joe

Sep 29, 2008 21:25

Best thing I've read in a long time. It's your kid raise them the way you want, do what is best for your kid and stop listening to the 'experts.'

26. melinda

Oct 13, 2008 22:24

This is the most refreshing piece of 'information' i have read on child sleep yet... and like you, i have read and tried it all. Its so easy to get caught up in what society dictates, instead of going with the flow and making every moment when they are so little (which doesnt last long) fun instead of torture. You have renewed my faith that i am doing the right thing and caused me to laugh tears of humour at the whole situation. Thankyou

27. Živana

Oct 23, 2008 08:51

This is by far the best article I've ever read on this subject. It made me laugh, it made me cry. It made me realize I'm not all alone in the world. It made me put it in my husband's favorites, so he can read it too. Thank you.

Živana, Croatia (Eastern Europe)

28. Liz

Nov 30, 2008 13:57

I can relate. My son is 15 weeks old and will not sleep in his bead. We sleep out on the recliner with him on my chest. We wake every few hours to nurse, then go back to sleep. I look forward to the day that he lets me sleep in bed again. There are times he is up until 2 in the morning and other days he is asleep by 7. Even after all this I am still willing to have another.

29. Big Mama Tammy

Dec 30, 2008 23:12

This article got me through the darkest days of sleep training. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

30. Melissa

Jan 27, 2009 19:09

Thank you so much for your article. I am sitting here in tears after trying almost everything to get my son to nap and sleep at night. This article made me smile and shake my head...yes someone gets it! Thanks for sharing!

31. Randi Skaggs

Mar 03, 2009 19:57

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. You took the words out of my mouth. I appreciate my daughter so much more now that I just accept that sleep is probably not going to happen. I'm also a fellow NYC mom! I guess in the city that never sleeps, it only makes sense to have babies/toddlers that don't sleep!

32. Rebecca Kent

Jun 04, 2009 17:33

I know how you feel. I hope it wont go as far as you because I have an older child who can't sleep because of this. But thank you for cheering us up.

33. Rebecca

Jun 05, 2009 14:21

My son is now three. He has never been a sleeper either. We tried everything too. I'm so happy to know we're not alone. I finally gave up one night around the age of two. I looked at him and said "Fine. Let's go play." It was 3 am. It was the best thing I ever did. Thanks for sharing your story.

34. Lalitha

Jun 10, 2009 11:30

Beautiful article and lovely ending.... acceptance is the key

35. Margot

Jun 13, 2009 05:37

I'm trawling through the net looking for sleep answers after another wake-wight-times night with 7-month-old Felix, and reading this is a breath of fresh air. I couldn't have expressed the "you win" thing better! My Felix goes to sleep happily but just wakes very frequently and doesn't really do the long naps either. I have read the books, felt like an asshole for trying some methods, failed at every method and realised Felix doesn't even NEED the hectic set bedtime, cast-in-stone routine, etc. He goes to sleep very happily every night, whether breastfed to sleep, put in his cot drowsy, rocked in our arms first - whatever. And then he's up half the night. This started somewhere around 3/4 months and this appears to be my life now.
That's okay - he's still worth it!

36. Katie

Jun 27, 2009 16:43

Hello!!! I found this a few months ago. . . I come back and read it for inspiration every few weeks!!! Our very determined 9 month old despises sleep. I give in and everything seems just so much happier. . . then after a few weeks *for some reason* try and introduce a little bit of a change which inevitably ends in utter disaster. "Baby No Sleeping" is the mantra in our household lol. I have just 're given up' again and am contemplating writing out our mantra and putting it on the wall as a reminder lest I decide that I should try and introduce some kind of sleep routine again and doom on our house for another few weeks!!!!

37. Arielle

Jul 28, 2009 11:29

All i have to say is THANK GOD i am not crazy and there are people and babies out there like mine! Our son is one year and one month now and still wont nap and wakes up at least twice a night. Thanks for making me feel sane!!

38. Jenny

Aug 11, 2009 17:24

Thank you SO MUCH for writing about this. Our daughter is almost three and still hates sleeping. We have let her cry until she threw up many nights. We are not pushovers. But short of drugging her into a coma, we can't get her to sleep before 9-10 p.m. or later. She does nap at daycare, but it's very tough to get her down on the weekends. She's smart and funny and thriving - she just really freaking doesn't like to go to sleep.

39. Raeanne

Sep 04, 2009 19:57

One of the BEST articles I've ever read reading newborn/infants/toddlers and sleep. My severely colic first child never slept and we my husband and I eventually gave up and went this the flow. It's the best decision we ever made!

40. Edi Silcox

Oct 13, 2009 00:01

thanks Nell for restoring my sense of humour and perspective!

41. Allison

Oct 20, 2009 12:17

This is the first time any one has made sense regarding sleep. I have a 9 month old and am experiencing the same thing. Thank you for writing this. I don't feel so crazy. I was just getting to the point where I realized I am allowing my sleep deprivation and anxiety about it to define my parenting experience, and that's not what I want this to be about in the long run. Time to change my attitude.
Thanks again.

42. Rose

Dec 01, 2009 19:55

I love this article LOVE. IT. Because it's totally due to the kid, not the parent, whether or not they sleep, or how often. We've had the good sleepers and the completely NON, and you are so right--it's not the parenting!

It's always fun to go out late at night and see all the other non-sleepers with their parents...

43. Donna

Dec 18, 2009 05:12

This could be my story! Except my lil bundle is just a year old. But he still wakes every 4 hours to eat, play, or whatever... NOthing has worked, his grandmother has stopped keeping him overnight because she can't handle not getting any sleep. It was good to read someone elses story as well. I too spend most days forcing myself to walk around exhausted, day dreaming about the days I could sleep. And I've encountered mothers who act as though I'm really making a big deal out of parenting. Thanks for letting us know we aren't alone ; )

44. Kerry Hyde

Jan 26, 2010 21:09

Amen! Our son is just like this too! We found there is a term for such babies which helped us to deal with his intense, non-sleeping, fussy personality. They are refered to as high needs babies or children, Google "Dr. Sears High Needs Baby" I thin you'll find a lot of similar stories there to and support. ;)
Hugs!