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The New AP

Trying to strike a balance.

By Sherry Osborne

Thank you for writing about this subject. I raise my child the same way. Whatever is best for her, me and the family as a whole is what we do....just to keep my sanity!!!

Posted by: Anne | Jul 21, 2006 11:47

Came here via a link on Andrea's blog. What a great article. so many folks are looking for external validation of what they do and a set of rules that will be "right" once and for all. But life just isn't like that. Kids are little people with their own personalities.

The best advice I had when pregnant was from a friend (with 2 very different boys) who said "Don't have to many expectations." I went in with a sense that I kind of knew what the terrain was and that I could adapt. I was happy. My kid was happy.

The advice I ignored for my sanity was the advice to make your child sleep on her back. Mine would not. If I let her go to sleep on her back and then gently turned her over she would wake. So I decided that the risk of her being strangled if I was sleep deprived (or the risks associated with her own sleep deprivation) was higher than her risk of SIDS if she slept on her back. My daughter was what they call a "good sleeper" but if I hadn't made that decision, I bet she wouldn't have been.

Funny thing is, as a baby she slept in exactly the same position as her father and her paternal grandmother. Now that she is older and no one cares if she sleeps on her back or her tummy, she sleeps on her back. Kids are awkward but we love them :-)

Posted by: JoVE | Jul 21, 2006 18:00

I also linked over here from Andrea's blog, and I LOVED your article. It is actually validating because not only do I parent using the Adaptive Parenting technique . . . LOL . . . but I also homeschool in the same manner. What's hysterical as I read your article is that the same exact thing can be said of "those" overseeing membership into the world of unschooling . . . LOL! So, I too, have decided our collaborative and adaptive style of doing things works just fine . . . one child at a time times seven!

Posted by: Cindy | Jul 23, 2006 17:19

Your first child sounds exactly like my child and our experience. I sort of fell into AP because it was what worked for us. I didn't even know it was called that until I started reading parenting websites. I too do not fit the typical AP profile and do not follow it to the letter. My son is almost two now, and I am distant enough from the early months to look back fondly. But your article would've meant a lot to me then as I never felt that I fit exactly with any specific parenting style and felt like I was stumbling my way through. I hope it reaches others who are trying to find their way. Thank you!

Posted by: Jill | Jul 26, 2006 00:46

What a great term! We were determined to be AP parents before our daughter was born--and she hated it! She screamed at being put in a sling, and kicked us incessantly if we co-slept. And she *loves* jarred baby food. So now we adapt, and do the best we can for all of us.

Posted by: Queenie | Aug 04, 2006 15:05

I am sorry that you had such a negative experience on an "AP" board, being an "Attachment Parent" is not following a precise set of rules, or membership cards etc. It means following your child's lead, acknowledging it and doing what works best for your family. Not all AP'ers cosleep or breastfeed, that is just a good way to start the attachment process.
This is an excellent article. Good work.

Posted by: Alisha | Mar 06, 2007 17:25

Your attachment parenting sounds almost like a carbon copy of what I did when my grown children were babies. But AP wasn't the monolithic thing then that it is now - in fact people who slept with their babies then were freaks lol. But hey, I had to sleep! And if that meant sleeping with a baby attached to the breast, so be it. Loved to carry them, and used a stroller too. Loved to let them roam, but they loved their bouncy hang-in-the-door swings. Keep doing what you're doing :)

Posted by: AnaBanana | Feb 13, 2008 16:12

Haha, I think I know the forum you're talking about and I know what you mean! They're intense. I said a bad word on there once...turns out I wasn't being very positive :( Thought I'd never hear the end of it...

Posted by: Fluffy | Sep 07, 2008 02:14

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