Category Archives: House & Home

Exploding Rats

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Two days ago, my seventeen-year-old son, who lives in a state of bedroom chaos and confusion, decided, on his own, without prodding from me, to clean his room. Jeff started by taking the doors off his sliding-door closet so he could move more freely around his room while reorganizing his disorganization. The doors were moved […]

Pets

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What is the fascination of children toward pets? GI Joe and Barbie are good enough to hold the average scurrying rug-rat but only for a few years. Invariably the subject of having a pet arises. You can run but you can’t hide! Having a pet is a prerequisite to becoming an adolescent! It is accompanied […]

Hell on 8 Wheels

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Photo: Tshirt by Debbie Lee I haven’t had a decent night’s sleep in weeks. And surprisingly my two and four-year-old aren’t to blame. I’ve been lying in bed thinking of taglines for the Memphis Roller Derby logo, rink names for some of my new skater friends, and drills to try out at our next practice. […]

What a Long, Strange, Trip it Was

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The invitation to my cousin’s bar mitzvah in Arizona seemed like the perfect excuse for a vacation. I convinced my husband to make a big trip of it — two weeks! Two weeks of adventure and exploring! Two weeks without washing dishes! A chance to explore the beauty of the southwest with my family — […]

Does Lurch Live Here?

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Most people have the common sense to buy houses that are younger than they are. They sleep snugly under leak-free roofs, secure in the knowledge that if something goes bump in the night, it probably isn’t the heating system. Their homes are airtight sanctuaries of Pella windows, state-of-the-art plumbing, and bubbling Jacuzzis. To homeowners with […]

The Minivan. Grocery Getter or Sex Machine?

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I want a minivan. Although it sounds like an innocuous desire, I am often met with a barrage of disparaging groans and snickers when I admit this in mixed company. “Don’t do it!,” the crowd will yell as they look at me with mix of horror and pity on their faces. Apparently, minivans symbolize something […]

Be My Baby Wipe

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I am a bad housekeeper. No, it’s beyond that. I don’t keep the house at all. The house (or apartment in my case) keeps me: keeps me in a perpetual state of guilt and ineptitude. While my husband is adept at mopping floors, scrubbing pans and shouting out stains, I, sadly, am not. What I […]

Family Vacation

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My husband is going to Turkey for a month and two days, leaving me alone with our four-and-a-half-year-old daughter and the one-and-a-half year old baby boy who will not permit me to step into the shower. Ostensibly Greg is going to Turkey to research his next play, a musical that just happens to take place […]