Category Archives: Humor

Breaking up Monotony of Motherhood by Pretending

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When I was a child, I discovered a practical way to survive boring tasks. I would simply imagine myself somewhere else. While I constantly entertained myself, others were not amused. After each Grand Adventure, I would present my treasure (with its harrowing adventure) to the kind queen. Alas, the now villainous queen would not be […]

Short Walk with Children Was like a Test of Survival in the Wild

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A local paper recently published several dispatches from a literarily inclined adventurer. These mini-travelogues detailed his and a traveling companion’s rugged excursion down a long stretch of the Mississippi. Mosquitoes loomed large. Muck stuck canoes. Comfort food and lodging seemed a distant dream. With his words, he wove a vivid picture of sunsets and sore […]

My Son Broke His Arm on Vacation so We Ignored It

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There’s a code they must live by, boys, and that is if there’s a hotel bed jump on it. It isn’t their fault really because way back when they were in the womb and their brains were forming, the frontal lobe that controls reasoning and planning, that doesn’t complete its formation well into their twenties. So until then, they […]

Worst Mother of the Year Award Acceptance Speech

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The following is a transcript of this year’s “Worst Mother of the Year” awards banquet, featuring award winner Mrs. Christine Basham: Christine Basham: Thank you. I can’t say how honored I was to be nominated, and how surprised I am to have won. Apparently, there was some debate among the Committee. I had just bought […]

Ask the Angry Baby: Breastfed Baby Poop Smells Bad

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Smelly diaper

My two-month-old baby is breastfed. Sometimes her stools have an extremely bad smell. She looks well and has no fever. Is my baby normal or is it a symptom of some disease? Hey, it’s POOP. Those ain’t rose petals filling her diaper. Jeez, don’t they teach you parents science? Have you not seen that thingy […]

Play-Doh’s Untimely Death: Phallic Creations with Play-Doh

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We are gathered here today, to share our fond memories of Play-Doh and bid it a final farewell. Play-Doh has always been an integral part of our family’s home life. We spent many carefree days, sitting around the table, employing our dear Play-Doh in the art of mess-free sibling bonding. Our kids would spend hours, yes […]

How to Turn Your Kid into a Fully Integrated Earthling

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Since becoming a mother, it has become increasingly clear that kids come from Planet Zoltar. I mean, where else would they develop such strange customs? For example, when my 13-year-old, Joshua, comes downstairs for breakfast each morning, it is my earthly custom to look directly at him, smile, and say, “Good morning, Joshua!” Evidently, it […]

Relocating to the South? Brush up on Palm Reading for School

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Okay, I know this a timeworn tale that’s been retold by generations of relocated northerners turned southerners, so if you’ve heard it before you can just go ahead and skip by. For those of you who haven’t encountered the phenomenon of palm reading as an educational subject, I’ll recount my own version. My middle school-aged […]

The Day My Kids Found My Vibrator

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Much of motherhood flies by in a blur, while other things stand out as pure joy, extreme fear, or intense pride.  Or, in my case, absolute mortification. The day of “the incident’, I was sailing through the task of mothering two little boys and thinking things were going very well. They were happily occupied playing […]

Ask the Angry Baby: Should I Let My Baby Sleep in Swing?

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How do you handle a 2-year-old who seems to be acting out because of a new baby brother? Oh, tell me about it. My older brother is the same way. He’s going along, all happy as a unicorn pony because he gets all the googly eyes from mom and dad, then — WHAM!– I come along, […]