Category Archives: Humor Essays

Play-Doh’s Untimely Death: Phallic Creations with Play-Doh

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We are gathered here today, to share our fond memories of Play-Doh and bid it a final farewell. Play-Doh has always been an integral part of our family’s home life. We spent many carefree days, sitting around the table, employing our dear Play-Doh in the art of mess-free sibling bonding. Our kids would spend hours, yes […]

How to Turn Your Kid into a Fully Integrated Earthling

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Since becoming a mother, it has become increasingly clear that kids come from Planet Zoltar. I mean, where else would they develop such strange customs? For example, when my 13-year-old, Joshua, comes downstairs for breakfast each morning, it is my earthly custom to look directly at him, smile, and say, “Good morning, Joshua!” Evidently, it […]

Relocating to the South? Brush up on Palm Reading for School

Posted on in Education, Humor Essays | 0 comments

Okay, I know this a timeworn tale that’s been retold by generations of relocated northerners turned southerners, so if you’ve heard it before you can just go ahead and skip by. For those of you who haven’t encountered the phenomenon of palm reading as an educational subject, I’ll recount my own version. My middle school-aged […]

The Day My Kids Found My Vibrator

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Much of motherhood flies by in a blur, while other things stand out as pure joy, extreme fear, or intense pride.  Or, in my case, absolute mortification. The day of “the incident’, I was sailing through the task of mothering two little boys and thinking things were going very well. They were happily occupied playing […]

Ask the Angry Baby: Should I Let My Baby Sleep in Swing?

Posted on in Ask the Angry Baby, Humor Essays | 0 comments

How do you handle a 2-year-old who seems to be acting out because of a new baby brother? Oh, tell me about it. My older brother is the same way. He’s going along, all happy as a unicorn pony because he gets all the googly eyes from mom and dad, then — WHAM!– I come along, […]

Teach Your Kids to Swear!

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You know how good it feels to let out a resounding @#%$! Why should little Junior or Janie go without such relief? Swearing is fun, and it’s good for you! Health benefits include increased circulation, elevated endorphins, and an overall sense of well being. Plus, there are no nasty side effects! Much of the problem […]

Memo to Mama: A Toddler Lays Down Some Ground Rules

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M e m o r a n d u m TO: Mama RE: Me Let me get straight to my point, Mama. Until a couple of months ago, things have gone pretty smoothly in my life. I’m not going to lie; things could be better. Lately, you’ve been showing your mean face lately A LOT […]

Secret Agent Mom: Female Spies in Training

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There is a distinct chance that I may have stumbled upon something amazingly brilliant. Or it’s just my postpartum paranoia flaring up. Let’s just say I think I have uncovered a secret government operative called Project Secret Agent Mom, and before I have to go into hiding or I’m taken away in a seatless white […]

The Tournament of Moms: A Jeopardy Game Show Parody

Posted on in General Parenting, Humor Essays | 0 comments

  Alex: Welcome to the special “Tournament of Moms” on Jeopardy this week. Well, at least we hope it can run all week . . . we didn’t find too many Moms who had any brain cells left, and of those who did, only a few could find someone to watch the kids for a […]

In Quest for Peace Mom Builds New Swing Set from Scratch

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As a parent, it’s my responsibility to teach my children about fairness, sharing, and taking turns. At least that’s what that child-rearing book says. But as someone who’s tired of hearing screaming, screeching, and incessant whining, my main concern is silence, no matter what it takes to achieve it, nor who has been denied justice […]