Category Archives: Humor

Doing Cartwheels When I See the School Bus Coming

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I love the school bus so much! It symbolizes freedom to me. I bow to thee.

To all the school bus drivers out there… you have NO IDEA how much you mean to me. I ask you, what parent isn’t positively gleeful when their precious cherubs finally don their Sponge Bob or Frozen backpacks to dutifully march down the driveway and climb aboard a big, yellow school bus for their first day of school?  I didn’t […]

Ask the Angry Baby: Sippy Cup Rejection, Co-Sleeping Trauma

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My 7-year-old has a habit of cursing. He occasionally does it in front of me, and I’ve heard he does it at school. How can I get him to stop? Hmmm, that’s a tough one… how does one get their kid to stop doing something… I dunno, did you try maybe TELLING HIM TO STOP […]

Really Stupid Neighbors Are Convinced My Cat Gave Their Kid Rabies

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Really Stupid Neighbors Convinced My Cat Gave Their Kid Rabies

So, the saga of our severely fucked-up neighbor family continues. A couple of days ago, they knock on our door, grubby two-year-old in tow. The kids say he was scratched by our cat, and they’re taking him to the doctor for it. Yeah. It gets better. After they get home from their pediatrician’s office, they […]

What We DIDN’T Do This Summer

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The other day I was flipping through a parent magazine and got depressed. Apparently I was failing American summer motherhood. Reflecting on all of June, July and August, we hadn’t done anything of merit. My children were not enrolled in competitive sports or alternative cultural enrichment art programs involving bongos and kazoos. I did not […]

First Grader Inquires Specifically about Bathroom Wall Language

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When my First Grader Inquires about Specific Bathroom Wall Language

  I’m not a prude about bad language. Not since third grade, anyway. But still I worry that if my kids learn about swearing, they’ll do it indiscriminately—pepper their conversations with “sh-ts” and “f*cks” and yell inappropriate phrases in the supermarket or at the park where littler kids (and their mothers) will hear. So I […]

Ask the Angry Baby: How to Handle Toddler Tantrum in Store

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I am a single father with custody of my two children but I send my ex-wife money every month to help her with expenses. The problem is my ex-wife buys the kids anything they want. Is this right? You say mommy’s gone, and you are alone with two spoiled brats. Probably makes it hard to […]

10 Ways to Adequately Embarrass and Humiliate Your Kids

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10 Ways to Adequately and Effectively Embarrass Your Kids

It wasn’t enough that I had four children, they had to all be boys. Boys that peed in the neighbors’  yards and threw stuffed weasels at the new priest. Darling sons that “lost” their shorts during the Preschool Graduation and stopped strangers to tell about Grandma’s bra that “you could tie a knot in and throw […]

Children Are like Monkeys: They Both Fling Poop

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Monkey and kids are a lot alike: They both like to fling poop.

I am thirty-six and my husband, Greg, is forty. We have been married for over a decade, and love each other madly. We decided when we got married that, although a monkey would be a really fun pet to have, children would be easier to take care of. We felt that monkeys would be too […]

Kids and Dinner Time Chaos

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Kids and Dinner Chaos

The husband and I don’t get out much. Who in their right mind would volunteer to watch four kids? And God knows we’re too cheap to hire a sitter. We’ve pretty much surmised we’ll not have another grown-up outing until we’re wearing Depends. At least it’s something to look forward to — except the adult […]

Ask the Angry Baby: Is It Okay to Toss Baby up in the Air?

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My son is 27 months old and he doesn’t say much besides “mom,” “dada,” “kitty,” and a few other things. But he responds to everything I ask him to do, and if I count from one to five, he holds up his fingers all the way to five. Nevertheless, my family is worried. Should I […]