Author Archives: Kelley Cunningham

Kelley Cunningham

Kelley Cunningham is a writer, award-winning artist, weekend poet, and an art director in children's publishing. Her work has been published in Brain,Child, Mamalicious, and The Funny Times. She has illustrated five books for children. A sampling of her amazing art talent can be seen at her website. Kelley lives in Pennsyltucky with her three wonderful sons.

Caroling with Mommy

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"Fake Christmas Tree" (sung to the tune of O Tannenbaum) Fake Christmas Tree, Fake Christmas Tree! I bought you today at Target. Fake Christmas Tree, Fake Christmas Tree! Just plug it in and forget it! On sale today, I found you there, Next to the Suave, the Schick and Nair! Fake Christmas Tree, Fake Christmas […]

Recession-Proof Mothering

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Unless you’ve been living under a rock (and it may soon come to that, literally, for a lot of us), you’ve probably heard that our economy is in crisis. For the first time, some folks are waking up and smelling the coffee, seeing that it’s a latte from Starbucks, and thinking, “Have I really been […]

He blinded me with science.

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This morning, my youngest woke me up at 6am. I thanked him for allowing me to get a jump on the day, instead of letting me waste another hour or so sleeping. He proudly showed me the book he checked out from the school library. “Can we do some of this stuff, Mom? Can we?” […]

Welcome to the Seventh Grade Language Arts!

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Dear Parents (and guardians, I suppose), I am Mrs. Humorless, your child’s language arts teacher. Thank you for entrusting me with your child for this school year. I know you didn’t have a choice, but thanks anyway. I look forward to a wonderful year of diagramming sentences and trying to instill in your child a […]

Loser Mom Syndrome

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The most overlooked disease facing Mothers today is Loser Mom Syndrome. LMS is a constant threat, a dark storm cloud lurking on the horizon that threatens to undermine any fleeting feelings of control and peace a mother can create for herself. You may think you are impervious to LMS. You may think you have none […]

We need more mom holidays, dammit.

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Going into this long holiday weekend, I realized that the 4th of July did not revolve around mothers. Why not? You can keep Mother’s Day. I want no part of a holiday where I have to remind my kids to buy me a card. I shun the crowds at the Mother’s Day brunches. “Hey, Mom, […]

Have you heard the latest Mom jokes?

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“Knock, knock.” “Who’s there?” “Mom.” “Mom who?” “Whaddya mean, MOM WHO?” “So these three moms walk into a bar…” “Wait a minute! How did three moms manage to arrange babysitting on the same night, have none of their children sick, have no other school function or girl scout meeting or T–ball game to attend, and […]

Haiku for the Peri-Menopausal

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Old Friends Over lunch, we laugh And share common memories. What’s your name again? It’s Good For You Eight glasses a day. I spend my days in the john But my skin looks great. Circle of Life Kids soar upward and Glow with potential and youth As I sag and shrink. None for Me, Thanks. […]

GigaMama – A computer class for moms.

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If you have been at home for a few years raising kids, chances are your four-year-old knows more about computers than you do. And chances are you’ve also read all the articles in More magazine telling you to keep your skills current so when you are ready to leap back into the working world you […]

You Be the Ad-Man! Or, Kelley’s Love Letter to Madison Avenue

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Have you seen that vile commercial for the single-dose version of a children’s allergy medicine? The one where Loser Mom and Smug Mom are sitting on a park bench, and Smug saves the day by letting Loser borrow one of her single-dose packages? Isn’t it just wonderful the way they pit mother against mother like […]