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Before and AfterWhat a difference 6 years makes. |
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Flashback to Dinnertime, six years ago. (What follows is the truth, with no exaggeration.) It sounds like this: (I take the keys) “My-eee! Myyyy-eeeeee!” (I place the keys on the hook) “MYYYY-EEEEE!! MYYYYY-EEEEEEEE!!! MMMM-YYYY-EEEEEE!!!! (I give him the remote) “MY-EEE! My-eeee. My.” I turn to the task and open cabinets, drawers and the refrigerator and stare at my goods trying to figure out what to assemble. Enter the Chatterbox. “What are we having for dinner, Mom? Can I help? I have to wash my hands firtht, right?” He says all this while dragging his little wooden stool, fingernail-chalkboard style, eight feet across the ceramic tile to where I stand at the counter. The water goes on at the sink. “Um, I don’t know yet, Buddy,” I reply, creating fast meal scenarios in my mind, eliminating the least healthy ones. I open the freezer door, frown at the rocks of meat. Close the door. Walk to the pantry, frown at the canned food. Close the door. I look over toward the four seconds of silence at the sink and see my son with the sprayer drawn, cocked and ready to shoot me, a devilish grin revealing his dimples. His eyebrows jump as he fires but his wet fingers fumble the muzzle and the wimpy spray shoots upward in his face. He is shocked at the backfire, he hates water on his face. “Ah! Mom! MOM!” His face crumbles into a cry. “Mom-my, Momm-mmy…” He sobs. “I’m…(sniff)all…(sniff)wet…” I pat dry, cuddle, shoo him away. I open the freezer again and pull out a brick of ground beef, then pop it in the microwave to defrost for ten minutes. I open the pantry again and pluck out a box of elbow macaroni and a jar of marinara sauce. In the fifteen seconds this takes me, my big boy fully recovers and sprints a circle through the kitchen, past the office, through the foyer, around the living room, into the dining room and back through the kitchen, screaming, “CHASE! CHAAAAAAAAAASE!” at a glass-shattering decibel. He does a few more laps, ignoring my gently firm pleas of, “Babe, I need you to calm down a bit while I cook dinner.” Next: "BABE. You need to CALM DOWN." |
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