"If you let your son wear nail polish he will grow up to be gay."
That is what my sister told me. Our first sons are 3 weeks apart in age, and the comparing is relentless. Back in the fall, we were talking about Halloween and the topic of my 3-year-old son wanting to dress up as Wonder Woman came up.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU’RE GOING TO LET HIM DRESS UP AS WONDER WOMAN?!" she shrieked.
"Well," I explained, talking slowly, "He wants to dress up like Wonder Woman for Halloween."
"YEAH, I KNOW THAT. So, what’s wrong with Batman? Or Superman? Or some other MAN type super hero?"
"And what’s wrong with Wonder Woman? He doesn’t care that she’s a WOMAN, if that’s what you’re getting at. He just likes how her costume looks."
And then it came out.
"Well, you’re gonna make him GAY."
Now, see, if this was a mom I just met at a park or during one of those incredibly expensive
"Mommy and Me" classes, I could just laugh at that statement and move on. Like the mom I started talking to at preschool, when her boy was running around with my boy, who happened to be wearing blue tights with a smiley face on the butt along with a silver cape, a tie dye shirt, and skull & crossbone adorned Vans sneakers.
"Wow, don’t you just love how creative these kids can be at their age?" ...immediately followed by, "Uh, does your husband know that he goes to school dressed like that?"
"Who do you think helped him tie the cape this morning?" I replied, chuckling, and moving on.
Back to the phone conversation -- this is not a stranger at the park; this is my sister. Apparently we don’t have the same opinions on "making someone become gay" and "being born gay". Kids are kids; they’re inquisitive. They’re innocent. My son doesn’t know that something is "wrong" until I let them know it’s "wrong", like calling me a "mean penis" or asking me very loudly in a public restroom, "You pee outta that black hairy thing down there?"
"Look," I tried to educate my sis, "Dressing up as Wonder Woman for Halloween won’t make him gay, just like wearing purple nail polish won’t make him gay."
"YOU LET HIM WEAR PURPLE NAIL POLISH!!?"
Sigh.
Anyway, nothing was settled, except for the fact that, according to my sister, my son will grow up gay. Oh, and he never ended up being Wonder Woman for Halloween that year. He instead decided to be the Grim Reaper... with purple nail polish.
Cindy Morrow is a stay at home mother of 2 and hires help whenever she can afford it to go to her therapist. Sometimes she is a storyboard artist and writer for animated television, but usually just a mom with no time to herself.
