Cursing habits, sippy cups, co-sleeping sex, international travel, and saying "no"

We've taken questions from popular parenting magazines and handed them over to our resident expert. But be warned, he's got a dirty diaper and he's pissed.

This month: Cursing habits, sippy cups, co-sleeping sex, international travel, and saying "no"

Read more: ask the angry baby, cosleeping, sippy cups, parenting questions

My 7-year-old has a habit of cursing. He occasionally does it in front of me, and I've heard he does it at school. How can I get him to stop?

Hmmm, that's a tough one... how does one get their kid to stop doing something... I dunno, did you try maybe TELLING HIM TO STOP AND PUNISHING HIM IF HE DOESN'T? You know, try that whole "parenting" thing? It sounds like you just sit around wringing your hands, letting your child do whatever he damn well pleases. I think you should... wait, on second thought, can I come live at your house?

I've been trying to get my 12-month-old to use a Sippy cup instead of a bottle, but she refuses. Any tips for me?

You're worried about getting your baby to stop using a bottle when she hits her first birthday? You're like the Bizarro Lady Who Breastfeeds Her 8-Year-Old. It doesn't seem worth a big fight to me, but if it's that important to you then try telling her that using a bottle makes her so look like a 6-month-old, and not the sophisticated 12-month-old that she really is. And that all the 14-month-olds at the park are laughing at her.

My husband and I share a family bed with our 13-month-old. Recently, I find that I'm feeling self-conscious when my husband and I get intimate, even though our baby is usually sound asleep. I'd like to continue co-sleeping, but how can I feel more comfortable making love with my husband?

Mommy, is that you?! OMIGODOMIGODOMIGOD! I have some REALLY bad imagery in my head now, thanks a lot! Tell Dad he better start saving for all those years of therapy I'm going to need. Oooh, I need to lie down. Someone get my paci, stat.

When can I bring my baby out of the country?

As soon as possible. That dude bugs the SHIT out of me at playgroup.

When will my baby understand "no"?

It's not about understanding the meaning of the word "no", it's about your child caring that you are saying "no" and stopping whatever they're doing. If he's anything like me, that should happen sometime the day after never.

Have a question for Angry Baby? Send it to baby@imperfectparent.com

In case you missed it, this column is meant to be humor/satire. In no way does The Imperfect Parent endorse or recommend following advice given by a cranky 13-month-old.

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